Seeing Infertility With New Eyes

I am quite the world traveler these days.  I was gone for more of September than I was home.  It was so fun, but it is good to be back.
I just returned from Utah where I was able to attend the 2011 AMCAP Convention (Association of Mormon Counselors and Psychotherapists).  It also was a powerful experience and I learned so much. 
Perhaps one of my favorite presentations was on “Helping LDS Individuals to Nurture Healthy Self- Identities and Family Attachments Through Narrative Therapy.”  I know, I know, it’s such a mouthful you had to pause for breath didn’t you?  However long the name, the presentation was SO GOOD.
I wanted to share something from that workshop that has literally not left my mind since.  It is this:
Our weaknesses are of as much importance to our life’s purpose as are our strengths.   
WOW. 
Of course what came to my mind was my struggle with infertility.  How many times I had wished it would go away.  How often I had hated that it was a part of my life.  I have often viewed our infertility as a roadblock to our progression.  An obstacle.  A weakness.  I can’t have children.  I am broken.  My infertility is holding me back. 
How different would my life be if I looked at my infertility as a special part of who I am? 
Maybe infertility isn’t holding me back.  Maybe it is helping me become who I am supposed to become FASTER than if I would have became a mother right away. 
Time has passed and healing has come.  Don’t get me wrong, I still struggle!  I still have my moments and days.  I definitely still have a ways to go.  But I am proud of how far I have come.  The dull ache is no longer my constant companion.  Sometimes the hurt still pricks at my heart, especially during pregnancy announcements or baby blessings.  I still sometimes feel inadequate because of the blessings I have not yet received.  Infertility is still hard.  It still makes me cry sometimes.   
I will say that infertility has also led me to some of my most beautiful blessings.
Infertility has taught me greater compassion for those who also wait.  It has taught me greater compassion for anyone who suffers loss.  It has strengthened my relationship with my Savior.  It has strengthened my testimony of the power of prayer.  It has strengthened my marriage.  Spencer and I have such a wonderful relationship, in part, BECAUSE of infertility not in spite of it.  We have been through one of the most heart wrenching experiences life has to offer, and we have battled it together. 
Most of all, I believe that infertility is what will bring us our sweet baby in the way they were meant to come to us.  Of course we would love to bring children into the world on our own.  However, infertility led us to adoption which will lead us to our baby, our own special miracle.  
“Where a man’s wound is, that is where his genius will be.  Wherever the wound appears in our psyches, whether from alcoholic father, shaming mother, shaming father, abusing mother, whether it stems from isolation, disability, or disease, that is precisely the place from which we will give our major gift to the community.”
                                                                            - Robert Bly
Ether 12:27:
27 And if men come unto me I will show unto them their^aweakness. I ^bgive unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my ^cgrace is sufficient for all men that ^dhumble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make ^eweak things become strong unto them.
This class gave me new eyes to view the disease which I had previously felt was a plague in my life.  It was no longer something to simply overcome, but embrace.  Not to say that I will ever love being infertile.  But, I can say that I can see value in the experiences that infertility has given me.  I am who I am because of it.  And for that, I am grateful.