We just had a visit from our Natalie and her very sweet best friend, Kortney, who is also a birthmomma. It was the most delightful visit and was over all too soon. We had such a good conversation about open adoption while M Bug was napping. Spence and I LOVED hearing about adoption from Nat and Kort’s perspectives. Seriously, I was hanging on their every word. I thrive on learning from others experiences and hearing their stories, but I especially love hearing from birthmoms.
I’ve talked before about why we have an open adoption. As I’ve mentioned previously, it’s not always understood and we spend a lot of time explaining why we have chosen openness. But it’s funny because our most compelling reasons for having an open adoption are the most difficult to put into words.
Yes, it is because the birthparents can see that the baby they placed is happy and thriving. Yes, the child who was placed for adoption can know the reasons for their placement and that they were loved long before they were born. And yes, the adoptive couple can know how the birthmomma that they love so much is doing.
It is all of those reasons and yet it is more.
It is for moments like this:
There is your why.
The why that is intangible and difficult to put into words, yet as real and powerful as anything you have ever felt. Openness is what just feels… RIGHT for our family.
I always wish that those who don’t understand our relationship, could meet our Natalie. All it would take is five minutes with her and then they would TOTALLY get it.
It is not uncommon to hear adoptive couples talk about adoption as the greatest miracle, but what people don’t realize is that adoption can be a blessing for every person in the adoption triad, including birthmoms. I am not trying to put words in the mouth of most birthmoms, or even M’s birthmom, so I asked her if I could share part of the text she sent last night.
“Guys thank you so much for everything. You’re amazing. I love you guys so so much. Seeing you guys seriously couldn’t have made me happier. It heals me seeing you guys together happy as can be. You’re amazing wonderful people… and even better parents to the M bug: ) Love you three!!!”
There is your why.
Hearing that just makes our hearts sing. It brings us peace to know that Nat has found peace. That is what we have always prayed for. That is what we want for her more than anything, to be happy.
That is why are so grateful for our open relationship. Even though some people find our friendship with Natalie unusual, or even shocking, I honestly wouldn’t have it any other day.
Knowing Natalie is so happy for you (and with you) has to be the best Christmas gift ever, you guys . . . that and M Bug, of course! :)
ReplyDeleteBAHH! You guys are wonderful! You just put it all so well into words:) Paul, Amy, and I feel so much the same way as you. They are so much a part of my family now that I can't imagine life without them. All 3 of them, and their extended family. Man, open adoption is the best!!
ReplyDeleteNatalie, if you're reading this, you're incredible and an example to us all! As a fellow birthmother, I love you and send hugs your way! I'm so happy you had an amazing visit. Isn't reading them a book just the greatest? Oh! It's wonderful!!
xoxoxo
Kayli, you are seriously the sweetest! Thanks so much for your kind words, you always leave the best comments! When Spence and I were at the very beginning stages of the adoption process, I actually really looked to the relationship between you, Paul, and Amy as what I wanted for us someday. I so hoped for that kind of friendship and openness. We feel so blessed to be able to have that with our Natalie and her family!
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