Giveaway Winner!

I just realized that I didn’t announce the giveaway winner… shame on me.  I’m sorry about that! 

So the winner is…

KIM! 

Kim, if you will just tell me which three pieces you would like and your address, I’ll pop them in the mail right away. 

Thanks again so much to everyone who helped! 

Seeing Infertility With New Eyes

I am quite the world traveler these days.  I was gone for more of September than I was home.  It was so fun, but it is good to be back.
I just returned from Utah where I was able to attend the 2011 AMCAP Convention (Association of Mormon Counselors and Psychotherapists).  It also was a powerful experience and I learned so much. 
Perhaps one of my favorite presentations was on “Helping LDS Individuals to Nurture Healthy Self- Identities and Family Attachments Through Narrative Therapy.”  I know, I know, it’s such a mouthful you had to pause for breath didn’t you?  However long the name, the presentation was SO GOOD.
I wanted to share something from that workshop that has literally not left my mind since.  It is this:
Our weaknesses are of as much importance to our life’s purpose as are our strengths.   
WOW. 
Of course what came to my mind was my struggle with infertility.  How many times I had wished it would go away.  How often I had hated that it was a part of my life.  I have often viewed our infertility as a roadblock to our progression.  An obstacle.  A weakness.  I can’t have children.  I am broken.  My infertility is holding me back. 
How different would my life be if I looked at my infertility as a special part of who I am? 
Maybe infertility isn’t holding me back.  Maybe it is helping me become who I am supposed to become FASTER than if I would have became a mother right away. 
Time has passed and healing has come.  Don’t get me wrong, I still struggle!  I still have my moments and days.  I definitely still have a ways to go.  But I am proud of how far I have come.  The dull ache is no longer my constant companion.  Sometimes the hurt still pricks at my heart, especially during pregnancy announcements or baby blessings.  I still sometimes feel inadequate because of the blessings I have not yet received.  Infertility is still hard.  It still makes me cry sometimes.   
I will say that infertility has also led me to some of my most beautiful blessings.
Infertility has taught me greater compassion for those who also wait.  It has taught me greater compassion for anyone who suffers loss.  It has strengthened my relationship with my Savior.  It has strengthened my testimony of the power of prayer.  It has strengthened my marriage.  Spencer and I have such a wonderful relationship, in part, BECAUSE of infertility not in spite of it.  We have been through one of the most heart wrenching experiences life has to offer, and we have battled it together. 
Most of all, I believe that infertility is what will bring us our sweet baby in the way they were meant to come to us.  Of course we would love to bring children into the world on our own.  However, infertility led us to adoption which will lead us to our baby, our own special miracle.  
“Where a man’s wound is, that is where his genius will be.  Wherever the wound appears in our psyches, whether from alcoholic father, shaming mother, shaming father, abusing mother, whether it stems from isolation, disability, or disease, that is precisely the place from which we will give our major gift to the community.”
                                                                            - Robert Bly
Ether 12:27:
27 And if men come unto me I will show unto them their^aweakness. I ^bgive unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my ^cgrace is sufficient for all men that ^dhumble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make ^eweak things become strong unto them.
This class gave me new eyes to view the disease which I had previously felt was a plague in my life.  It was no longer something to simply overcome, but embrace.  Not to say that I will ever love being infertile.  But, I can say that I can see value in the experiences that infertility has given me.  I am who I am because of it.  And for that, I am grateful.     

Bachelor Pad

For the second time in a month, Whitney had an opportunity to spend some time with her family. A while back she helped her younger sister move into her dorm at BYU, and then headed home to California with her parents to help out while her Dad recovered from a pretty big surgery. For the past couple days, she's been at it again; she went to Utah to attend a conference for the Association of Mormon Counselors and Psychotherapists (AMCAP) with her mom, who is a counselor. While I hold no grudges against Whitney for leaving me behind (after all, I have that one thing...you know, work), I realize how glad I am that I've never had to live completely alone.

The first time Whitney was gone for more than two weeks, and one of our bishopric members looked at me and incredulously asked, "What are you going to do for food?!" as though I would be left no choice but to scavenge for scraps in the desert. Believe it or not, I have been able to conjure up three meals a day. Although I notice my meals tend to be in the living room, in front of an episode of something like "The Office," "Monk," or "Psych." Sitting at a table all alone in silence is weird to me, so I guess the tube makes it feel like someone's there.

Usually after we drop her off at the airport for something like that, Lizzy and I drive back home in a bad mood, because we know we're stuck with each other (and only each other) for the duration of Whitney's absence. Lizzy looks out the window longingly and gives large sighs, as though I can't hear them. But she does have a point. After all, when Whitney's gone, Lizzy has to take my schedule. That means sleeping from about 5 to midnight, then waking up for a brief period while I get ready for work, and then facing at least 8 more hours alone in a dark house while I'm at work. She no likey.

But then the pup tries to get fresh and wants to cuddle with me in bed. Me no likey.

Our house is also more echo-y when Whitney's gone. I tend to roll up the large rug in the living room and stash it in the closet because nobody's home to monitor Lizzy while I'm at work, if you know what I mean.

Most of all, when Whitters is gone, I realize how much I miss my best friend. I used to wonder if being around your spouse would become mostly just a habit after marriage, because, well, you live together. Now I know that no matter how long you've been married, you always WANT to be with them. They're your best friend in the world, and let's be honest -- life just isn't as fun when they're not around.

Inspiring Adoption Blog

Today, I wanted to share the most amazing blog with you.  Kayli first contacted me asking if she could post our adoption button on her blog and if we had any pass along cards she could have.  OF COURSE!  I am always so touched when people share our adoption information. 

I immediately hopped on over to her blog and was completely absorbed.  This woman is a pillar of strength.  I was so touched by what she had to say, that I asked if I could share her words with you.  She described so beautifully a concept that I have also talked about (regarding adoption not being plan B).  I so enjoyed reading her perspective, I wanted to share it with you too.     

“Women who struggle with infertility experience an indescribable pain; I've been blessed to come to know many of these women. One of them is Amy, is the woman I chose to mother the child I bore in May. She was my angel. Although not all couples who cannot have children choose to adopt, the choice is there. Adoption has been an encompassing part of Heavenly Father's plan from the beginning - both on a "large" scale and a "small" scale. We are all adopted by our earthly parents; they are given stewardship of us from our Heavenly parents. Jesus was raised by a man who was not his biological father. Moses was not raised by his biological parents; his birth mother nursed him for three months but he was raised by Pharaoh's daughter…

Infertility allows for another door to open wide. I love my Heavenly Father and am unshakably grateful for His beautiful Plan of Happiness. I love His love for us. I know He loves both those who can and those who cannot have children alike. I know that He put us each on this Earth at this time for a reason. I know He loves me, and I know He loves you.”

When Kayli sent me an e-mail there was a quote at the bottom that I have thought a lot about:

We go through what we go through to help others go through what we went through.

-Anonymous

I love that this is Kayli’s personal motto.  What a beautiful perspective to have on life!  Doesn’t it give the trials we go through so much more meaning, knowing that we can use them to bless the lives of others?  If you get a chance, you really should go read Kayli’s blog and tell her Hello.  I know that her words will inspire you as they have me! 

Media Blitz

My awesome sister asked if she could “sponsor” a media blitz for us today.  She was kind enough to write about us here.  If you have a minute, please hop over there and read her sweet post.   

Thank you so much, Shari, for organizing this event and for everyone else who has helped spread the word.  We are truly so grateful! 

As part of the event, we decided to do a giveaway.  So, here’s what you can win.  A little something like this:

A little owl family! 

Except, it will be custom made just for you!  I will make you any three pieces that you want be they owls, mini stumps, or mushrooms

(example: male owl, female owl, mini stump.  or 2 female owls, mushroom. or 3 female owls.  etc…)  You tell me what you want (pieces, colors, accessories), and I’ll send it your way!

How do you enter, you ask?  Easy.  1. Follow our adoption blog.  2. Leave your name and e-mail address in the comments section of the post.  You can also get one extra entry for each of the following: 

1. liking our Facebook page

2. linking to our profile/adoption blog on Facebook or twitter

3. linking to our profile/adoption blog on your blog

4. posting our adoption button on your blog

5. e-mailing friends or family

6. If you’ve done anything else to help spread the word, please feel free to give yourself an extra entry.

DEADLINE:  One week from today (October 3rd).

We know lots of you have already done these things, and this is a small way for us to say thank you!   

Breaking News

 

 

 

 

(WE ARE APPROVED!)… to adopt of course.

Yes we are. Yes we are!

Hooray!

Feel free to visit our profile,

Positive Adoption Language

Since beginning the adoption process, Spencer and I have learned a lot about why it is important to use the correct language when speaking about adoption.  It is important to use positive language most especially for the sake of children who have entered a family through adoption.  The child who was adopted will develop ideas and feelings about the way their family was built based on the vocabulary used to describe the adoption.  It is for this reason, that it is important to use correct terminology.   

We wanted to share a better way to say what you mean when talking about adoption.

Incorrect Term vs. Correct Term

IS adopted vs. WAS adopted- The use of present tense suggests that the process is ongoing.  It is not.  Just as a child WAS born a child WAS adopted. Adoption may be the way that a child entered a family, but to recognize it an event that happened in the past is to acknowledge the permanence of the relationship.

Giving up or give away vs. Place- There are a few reasons that "giving up,” isn’t the best term to use when referring to placing a child.  First, individuals often “give up,” things that are negative.  For example, people can give up drinking, smoking, or other addictive behaviors.  You wouldn’t want a child to think that they had been "given up” in that sense of the phrase.  Second, giving up can often imply surrender.  For example, “Oh, I give up!”  The use of these words does not give adequate credit to the thought that a birthparent puts into making the decision to place their child.  These brave individuals ponder, pray, hope, and carefully consider their options before choosing a family to place their baby with.  It was not an easy decision.  It was an active, not a passive choice.  They didn’t simply give up.  They lovingly placed their baby in the home that they knew would be best for them.

Putting a child up for adoption vs. Finding a family to parent the child- “Finding” is a much better word to describe what a birthparent does than is “putting.”  Again, it is an active, not passive choice. 

Keep vs. Parent- A baby is more than a possession.  You own possessions.  You keep possessions.  Each unwed mother has the opportunity to decide whether or not she wants to place the baby.  Many chose to parent, and that is their decision to make. 

Real Mother vs. Birth mother- “Real” is not a healthy word to use to describe anyone in an adoptive relationship.  Each individual is real; no one is fake.  To call a Birth mother real, is to insinuate that the mother is NOT real.  “Mother” is the hard-earned, long awaited, special title given to women who nurture, raise, care for, and love children.  Therefore, “adoptive mothers” are simply called “mothers.”  Birth mother is a special title too.  A birth mother is the one who gave her baby life.  She is the one that loved her baby so much that she was willing to place her baby’s needs above the desires of her own heart.  Therefore, to refer to the adoptive mother as “real” would be equally unkind.  

The same goes for “real children” or “natural children” or “my own children” vs. “biological children.”  You wouldn’t want to make a child who was adopted feel like they are unreal, unnatural, or NOT your own.  Each child should be your own, no matter how they come to you.   

Illegitimate child vs. Child born to unwed parents- I realize this one is a bit more to say, but imagine how you would feel if you were described as “illegitimate.”  Every child is legitimate.  They are a legitimate human being with legitimate feelings.  The child does not have any control over the circumstances of their conception.  Therefore, they shouldn’t be labeled in this way. 

Unwanted pregnancy vs. Unplanned pregnancy- As one birthmother I had the opportunity to speak with described it, “I WANTED my baby very much.  It wasn’t that I didn’t want him.  It was that I wasn’t prepared for him.  I knew that he deserved more.”  “Unplanned” better describes the enormity of a birthmother’s sacrifice. 

We realize that sometimes people don’t say the right things.  Many well-meaning individuals are just trying to be supportive and interested in our lives and the adoption process.  We don’t generally get offended if people don’t use the correct vocabulary.  After all, we have had to learn the best way to talk about things ourselves!  However, we do appreciate those who try to be sensitive in the way they word things.

“Language shapes the way we think, and determines what we think about.”
                                                                          - Benjamin Lee Whorf