Merry Christmas!

Spencer’s friend from work helped us take a picture to send out in Christmas cards.  We thought she did such a good job!  We had a few that we quite liked, but we ended up going with the one above. 

Look at that cutie in his wee sweater!  He was such a good sport about smiling for the pictures.     

It really ended up being such a lovely day for a photo shoot. 

Below is my most favorite shot of the day.  Clearly, I was having an amazing eyebrow day. 


Creepy huh? I really have no idea how that strand of hair aligned itself so perfectly. I look a little villainous, if I do say so myself.

Anyway, have a very happy Christmas!

Report Card

I always grow very introspective this time of year.  With the bittersweet nostalgia of Christmastime in the air and the closing of one more year close on its heels, I find myself reflecting on how my time has been spent and evaluating what I can do to further enrich my life and my relationships.

As always, there are changes to be made, but there are also accomplishments and progress to be appreciated. 

What I have felt most strongly this season is an intense desire to savor every second, both this Christmas and in the years to come.  To be fully present, and really connect with the people I love most. 

This has been a focus of mine for some time now, and I do believe that savoring time with family is one of my strengths.  But a few specific events in the world and in our family have reaffirmed for me how important being present really is and have reminded me, yet again, of the fleetingness of time. 

Mine is the struggle of balancing BEING in he moment, versus PRESERVING the moment.  It is not that I take life’s little moments for granted.  Rather I put so much significance on every small event (particularly with my little boy) that I waffle between recording it and just enjoying it.  One of my greatest fears is that I will forget.  I honestly can’t bear the thought of not remembering the little details I cherish so much.  Sometimes I have to consciously push the camera aside, drop my fears of forgetting, and just take the moment for what it is.  I am constantly evaluating and adjusting, but I am trying to find the best balance I can. 

I need this time to ponder the things that are most important in life.  I don’t think it is coincidence that we celebrate the birth of the Savior so close to the arrival of a new year.  The special focus on Christ and His life help me realign my priorities for the coming months. 

Sometimes, I feel a bit embarrassed as I create a kind of personal report card on all that I meant to accomplish.  Because I am human, the further we get into the year, the less present my well-intentioned resolutions are in my thoughts.  Sometimes I don’t do as much as I wanted to do as well as I wanted to do it.  Sometimes I fall of the horse entirely.  That is why I need this time so much.  To recommit.  To reconnect.  To refocus.  And then to dive back into life and routine with a clearer perspective.  A perspective that can only come from my Savior, Jesus Christ.

I am so grateful for Him and for the opportunity to celebrate His life.  And I am grateful that because of His sacrifice I can keep making changes to become a better Whitney.     

Moments I Live For

When M rests his head on my shoulder.  This often only happens when he is just waking up, just getting sleepy, or is not feeling 100%.  I love it all the more because it’s so rare.     

When Spence comes home from work, his face lights up when he see’s his kiddo.  Spence kisses me, and then scoops that M Bug up to cover him in kisses too.  I love seeing my sweetheart be a daddy.   

When I realize that M has been absorbing more than Spence and I even realized.  Like when Spencer was reading M one of his favorite books, “Five Little Monkey’s Jumping on the Bed,” M started hopping up and down in Spencer’s lap on the jumping parts. Smart boy! We were both so amazed that he had picked that up on his own without any coaching.  It was just like the whole MWAH thing!   

When M shows unprompted affection.  Today, I was holding him in my arms and he leaned over and gave me a big kiss on the cheek without my even asking!  I died you guys, I just died.  Proudest mommy moment in the WORLD.  I have been thinking about that kiss all day.  M has also recently learned how to give hugs.  I LOVE when he throws his arms around my neck and squeezes.  It’s my new favorite thing.  

M’s first smile of the day.  He just BEAMS up at me from his crib.  He gets so excited to see me that he squeals and slaps his pot belly with all his might all while grinning as big as humanly possible.  That grin could melt a heart of stone.         

When he falls asleep in my arms.  Even though he’s so heavy that he literally makes my arm fall asleep if I hold him too long, I ADORE holding my sleeping angel.

When M and I are sitting side by side on the floor, and he touches my knee for reassurance.  When he looks up at me just to make sure that I’m watching him.  I love being his safe place.

When M shows off his personality.  Like yesterday, I sat M on my lap with his favorite book (“Five Little Monkeys” surprise, surprise).  It was only after we sat down that I realized he was stinky.  When I put him on the changing table, he started crying because he was so excited to read his story.  I didn’t want to have him sit in filth while we read stories, so I changed him real quick before we sat back down.  He happied up the second we opened the book back up.  It was amazing to me that he would be sad over a story.  Tiny Newborn M only cried over things like being hungry, being tired… But to cry because he was disappointed, well that was a big boy emotion!  He has opinions and preferences and seeing them unfold astounds me every time.         

When I hear M giggle. I never want to forget that giggle!  It’s somehow even more precious when I hear a disembodied giggle when he’s playing with his daddy in the other room.  I don’t know why, but hearing him when I can’t see him makes me laugh.  Weird huh?

When M just wants his Mom.  I am never so flattered as when M WANTS me to hold him and cuddle him.  Of course, I do those things all day long, but the times when he asks for them melt my heart.  I adore getting to be that person for someone.  There’s nothing better.  

The Why

We just had a visit from our Natalie and her very sweet best friend, Kortney, who is also a birthmomma. It was the most delightful visit and was over all too soon. We had such a good conversation about open adoption while M Bug was napping. Spence and I LOVED hearing about adoption from Nat and Kort’s perspectives. Seriously, I was hanging on their every word. I thrive on learning from others experiences and hearing their stories, but I especially love hearing from birthmoms.

I’ve talked before about why we have an open adoption.  As I’ve mentioned previously, it’s not always understood and we spend a lot of time explaining why we have chosen openness.  But it’s funny because our most compelling reasons for having an open adoption are the most difficult to put into words. 

Yes, it is because the birthparents can see that the baby they placed is happy and thriving. Yes, the child who was placed for adoption can know the reasons for their placement and that they were loved long before they were born. And yes, the adoptive couple can know how the birthmomma that they love so much is doing.

It is all of those reasons and yet it is more.

It is for moments like this:

There is your why.

The why that is intangible and difficult to put into words, yet as real and powerful as anything you have ever felt.  Openness is what just feels… RIGHT for our family. 

I always wish that those who don’t understand our relationship, could meet our Natalie.  All it would take is five minutes with her and then they would TOTALLY get it. 

It is not uncommon to hear adoptive couples talk about adoption as the greatest miracle, but what people don’t realize is that adoption can be a blessing for every person in the adoption triad, including birthmoms. I am not trying to put words in the mouth of most birthmoms, or even M’s birthmom, so I asked her if I could share part of the text she sent last night. 

“Guys thank you so much for everything. You’re amazing. I love you guys so so much. Seeing you guys seriously couldn’t have made me happier. It heals me seeing you guys together happy as can be. You’re amazing wonderful people… and even better parents to the M bug: )  Love you three!!!”

There is your why. 

Hearing that just makes our hearts sing.  It brings us peace to know that Nat has found peace.  That is what we have always prayed for.  That is what we want for her more than anything, to be happy.     

That is why are so grateful for our open relationship.  Even though some people find our friendship with Natalie unusual, or even shocking, I honestly wouldn’t have it any other day. 

MWAH!

Cutie Pie has a problem.  And it is this:

His cheeks are too dang delicious.  So we must smooch them.  All. Day. Long.  Baby Boy is constantly being smothered in kisses.

Whether he likes it:   

Or not:

Can you blame us?  I mean really, how can one possibly resist? 

The only thing I love better than giving Teddy Bear kisses is GETTING kisses from him.  M has been good at giving kisses for a while now.  When we say, “Can I have a kiss?”  he opens his mouth as wide as possible and leaves a slobbery ring on our cheeks.  I love it.  But tonight he started doing something new.  He started making a “mwah” sound after he kissed our cheeks.  It is definitely the most precious thing I have ever seen in my life.   

I just can’t imagine where he learned it :). 

Don’t Cry Over Spilled Milk

A few days ago, we had a disaster in the kitchen.  I was hurrying to make M a bottle.  He was not a happy camper at that moment.  He was most especially not happy that I had the audacity to set him down to make the baba.   So I was really rushing to get that bottle made as soon as possible.  In my rush, I set the bottle too close to the edge of the counter, without the lid on. 

You can see what happened.  Well, kind of.  What is NOT pictured is M covered head to toe in formula.  BUUUT… you can see exactly where he was sitting.  There is a dry spot in the exact shape of his chubby thighs. 

I scooped M up, feeling really terrible for getting him all wet and sticky.  We looked at each other in shock and then both started giggling.  Until M remembered that he was soaked to the diaper, and he burst into tears again. 

Nothing a little bubble bath couldn’t fix. 

All smiles again in no time. 

But even though I’ve mopped about four times since then, our floor’s still a wee bit sticky. 

Our Elf on the Shelf

(Or, piano as the case may be).  I haven’t actually read Elf on the Shelf yet.  I know, I know, I live under a rock.  I think it looks super fun and I am excited to do it someday with M when he gets older.  Only, I’m gonna be honest, I think that the shelf elf is super creepy looking.  I plan on making my own, less scary looking elf.   

We have been soaking up all the holiday goodness we can at our house.  M LOVES all the pretty lights.  I think his favorite part of the evening is when we walk from room to room plugging them all in.  We plug them in first thing when we wake up too.  Because goodness knows that M’s always up before the sun (which isn’t really hard to do this time of year, but lately he’s been getting up WAAAAY before sunrise).  I can’t think of a better way to start the day than a cuddly, pajama clad baby in your lap, a cup of hot chocolate in your hand, and a cozy lit up Christmas tree to your right.   

The other day I took M to meet Santa!  He actually has met him twice now.  The first time, he managed to grab a fistful of beard and tug with all his might.  The second time, he got to sit on Santa’s lap.  I wasn’t sure how he would do, or if he would get scared.  He sometimes doesn’t like it if I get more than an arms length away from him.  Cutie pie.  But he loved Santa!  He was so fascinated by him that I couldn’t get him to look up for a picture.  He was wearing the cuuuuutest reindeer beanie, but it’s a little hard to tell from these pictures.  I’ll try to get a better one.      

I’ve been working on a Christmas album.  I can’t wait to share pictures of it soon! 

M at Eight Months

One of the things I noticed first when I was comparing M’s 7 month photos to his 8 month ones was his hair.  It is getting so long!  I think he could use a little trim but I am scared I’ll mess it up.  I dearly love the curl on the top of his head.  Plus, his hair is thin enough that I don’t want to take too much off. 

M has started doing all sorts of fun things this past month.  My favorite thing is that he has started “talking” as opposed to just making sounds.  He says two things so far: “babababa” and “dadadadada.”  He doesn’t really connect “dadada” to daddy yet; it will be exciting when he does!  I say “mama”  to him all the time in hopes that he will pick up “mamamama” next.  It is so cute to hear how many things he is able to communicate with just those two words.  He yells “baba” at the top of his lungs when he is very happy and often shouts “baba” over and over while he is in the bath.  Sometimes, he will sing “bababa” along with the radio.  He whispers “dadada” when he is concentrating very hard on something, like pulling his toys out of his drawer.  I love hearing his little voice more than any other sound in the world.     

M has become quite the jumper!  He finally figured out how to JUMP in the johhny jump, as opposed to just walk in circles.  He’s been hopping ever since.  It is rather amazing that he has the endurance to jump as long and hard as he does.  He loves to jump outside the bouncer too.  Anytime he is standing in our laps, supported under the armpits, he jumps and jumps.  It is so funny to watch him shake that diaper bum.  He wants to be standing ALL the time so that he can do this.  He will rarely sit in our laps anymore.  Nope, it’s hop on pop for this kid 24/7.   

I love watching M get more and more expressive.  He makes so many funny faces.  He is constantly poking his tongue out.  He also makes this face where he puckers his lips and puffs his cheeks out.  It’s so cute, but I haven’t been able to get a picture of it yet.  His personality is emerging more and more each day.  He is still a fairly cheerful guy, especially when there are friends and strangers alike to woo.

As of TODAY M officially has a tooth!  It is just a tiny little nubbin, barely poking out.  Who knew that something so small could make someone so miserable?  Poor little guy.  I confess, I am going to miss that gummy grin!  That toothless smile of his is perfection, though I am certain he’ll look just as cute with a jack o’ lantern smile. 

M continues to love his chow, and is most happy when he gets a tiny taste of what we’re eating (if we’re having something he can have that is).  Pretty much the only things he hasn’t liked so far have been turkey (I can hardly blame him, baby food turkey looks disgusting), and yogurt puffs.  He made such a sour expression each time he tried the yogurt bites.  He does, however, adore his cereal puffs and has been getting better at feeding them to himself.  It is so cute to watch him stuff his whole fist in his mouth, just to get one little puff in there. 

M’s down to two naps a day.  He still only sleeps about 15-20 minutes.  He loves bedtime and wants to hunker down for the night pretty early.  He’s an early to bed, early riser.  He rolls all over the crib, and I always find him in a different spot each time I go to check on him.    

M’s still not crawling, but he is quite good at rolling all about and getting stuck in various places.  He likes to try and roll away from us when we are getting him dressed for the day, or changing his diaper, or wiping his nose, or fixing his hair… He’s rolly poly that’s for sure.  I especially adore his fat little thigh rolls.  May they never slim down!  

We sure do love our handsome boy. 

Oh Dear

I know it’s blurry, but this picture makes me laugh. 

Someone has decided that they have a will of their own!  M Bug discovered that by arching his back with all his might he can hinder the process of doing things that he doesn’t want to do i.e. get strapped in his carseat or get a diaper changed or put a new onesie on. 

It is funny that he has developed this new form of protest, because he LOVES things like car rides and clean diapers.  But he wants them on his own terms.  It is amazing to me to see this stubborn side of his personality emerge.  He is a little person!  I mean, I always knew that, but seeing him express preferences and dislikes has been eye opening. 

Silly boy.  He’s awful cute. 

Even when he’s being a stinker. 

What Role Did Social Media Play in Your Adoption Experience?

Todays question actually comes from an interview I did with a  BYU student in the journalism program. 

Since she is where my husband was just a few years ago, I was especially happy to help out.  And plus, I jump at any opportunity to talk about adoption.  One of my favorite subjects!

So… When we first started the adoption process the summer of 2011, our social worker told us that these days, two thirds of birthparents find the adoptive couple to parent their baby out of agency.  This means that the majority of birthparents select an adoptive couple from word of mouth or often online resources, especially social media.  For this reason, our caseworker encouraged us to do as much as we felt comfortable with to spread the word on our own.  We had a few ways that we set about accomplishing this.   

1. Our adoption blog!  We started the blog a looooooooooooooong time before we were approved.  Mostly because we were waiting to start the approval process until we had moved out of state and the move ended up taking months longer than we anticipated.  THAT was the hardest part of the waiting process.  Waiting to start the paperwork to wait some more to be selected.  In any case, blogging gave me something to do to feel like I was moving forward in our search to find our baby.    

2. Our Facebook page.  We would periodically share blog posts and adoption updates on our page.  We’re not really Facebook people, me in particular, but we had heard it was a good idea, so we gave it a try. 

3. Our adoption video.  We made the video because there was a special spot for it on our adoption profile.  Since Spence pretty much edits video for a living and all, we thought it would be a fun thing to do.  We are constantly making videos anyway, so we thought it would also be neat to document a big part of our lives at the time.   

4. Media blitz.  My sister hosted a media blitz where she e-mailed all of our friends and asked them to share our adoption profile (on itsaboutlove.org) on facebook/email/twitter or any other way they could think of on the same day.  It was amazing to see the outreach of people who shared our information that day.  We were very touched and humbled to see friends and even many strangers share our story with the hopes of helping us find our baby.   

(Okay, and now for a HUGE aside. 

Those these aren’t necessarily ways to use social media, but I thought while I was on the subject I’d share a few more things we did for any couples that are also hoping to get their name out there.  I was always trying to think of what else I could do to maybe help move things along so here’s a few more ideas you can add to the mix: 

• Passalong cards. We sent these to our family members and a few friends, that way if they ever heard of anyone that was hoping to place a baby, they could share our information. We even had a few people that displayed the cards at their place of business. We actually did have one expectant mother contact us because our friend gave her a passalong card! Obviously, she didn’t place with us, but it was encouraging to have the experience.
• Create an electronic signature on your e-mail with a link to your adoption blog or profile.
• Create a button for your adoption blog/profile.  

Huge rambling detour over.  Moving right along…)

As it ended up, Natalie found our profile on itsaboutlove.org directly, so she was part of the group who find a couple through the agency.  BUT we do know that she liked our adoption video and our blog, so I would maybe think that social media had an impact on her decision to place with us, though it was not how she found us.  In my personal opinion, it is probably hard to really get to know someone based ONLY on a profile, so it is nice if you keep a blog detailing some of life’s everyday moments and adventures.   

I would also say that the role social media played in our adoption experience is ongoing.  Our adoption blog, in particular, has had an amazing impact on our adoption experience because we have been able to connect with many individuals who are also involved in adoption.  

It has been a tremendous support to be able to find other adoptive couples who are going through the exact same things.  This was of particular comfort during the waiting period.  I poured over other couples stories trying to prepare myself for what I hoped would come.  I have developed friendships with many amazing birthmoms through social media.  I love learning from them and hearing their perspective.  It helps me know what I can to support Natalie and reach out to her in ways that are meaningful.  I have also especially enjoyed connecting with individuals who were adopted and learning what kinds of things I can to to help Mason develop a healthy understanding of his adoption and the reasons for which he was placed.

I have also found value in sharing our story in hopes that it might bless the life of another.  It would be amazing if our story helped someone else consider adoption, be it adoptive couple or expectant parents.  I also hope that I can point out commonly held inaccuracies about adoption and highlight some of the blessings that have come from openness. 

Maybe most importantly, It is one more record of the little ins and outs of our lives.  It is accessible to M’s birthfamily, who all love to read up on how he is doing and look at pictures of his cute little face.  It is a time capsule for us to look back on and remember many of the sweet little details I took time to record. 

Prior to being asked this question, I don’t know that I had thought about just much social media has affected our adoption experience.  And while I think in excess social media can be a dangerous distraction, I feel grateful for the many blessings it has afforded.   

Ghosts of Christmases Past

There’s something about Christmas that always used to make me kind of sad. That’s probably pretty weird right? It IS the most wonderful time of the year after all. Mostly I felt really happy and excited as I put up the tree, wrapped presents, and read Christmas stories. I loved the time with family and appreciated the chance to truly focus on the Savior and celebrate His life. But the longing we felt for our baby was especially pronounced. It doesn’t seem right that such a joyful time should have been so hard but it was. (Here’s what I wrote back in December of 2010).

I MISSED the baby we always dreamed of sharing Christmas with. I missed him so bad it ached. No playing Santa. No wrapping toys. No little pajamas. We had no idea if we would ever get a chance to have any of those experiences. It was always so hard to let go of one more year of unfulfilled expectations.

The longing which used to haunt our Christmas season has been replaced with gratitude, Our hearts are so full this year. I was reading over past blog posts and was curious what my very first post on this blog looked like. It was a sweet coincidence that I had just taken this picture earlier that afternoon while we were getting out Christmas decorations:

We’re so glad he’s finally here.

Mr. Perpendicular

The Teddy Bear has taken to sleeping sideways in his crib.  I don’t know why he does this, but every time I go to check on him during his nap he has rotated 90 degrees counterclockwise and is poking his toes between the slats.  Silly boy.  I can’t imagine how that is more comfortable.   

I love that he always sleeps clutching his giraffe rattle.  Since he’s not supposed sleep with stuffed animals yet, I gave him that little rattle so he would have something to play with as he fell asleep.  That has been his comfort item for several months now.  Usually I know when he’s woken up for the day or from a nap because I hear him shaking that rattle.  It’s his equivalent of ringing a servants bell I suppose.  “Mother, I’m awake now.  Please come retrieve me!”  He never cries or really makes any noise at all when he wakes up, so I am glad that he shakes his rattle to let me know he’s awake.     

Watching that cutie pie sleep never gets old. 

Instrument of Torture:

Baby Boy is sick.  Nothing serious, just a cold, but he has been so miserable and it breaks our hearts to see him so uncomfy. 

The worst part has been that he has been so stuffy and has had a terribly runny nose.  And he HATES the bulb sucker.  We have taken to sneaking up on him because the second he sees it he bursts into tears.  Poor baby.  He doesn’t know that we are trying to help him.  As Spencer put it, “The poor little guy thinks that we are trying to suck out his soul!  Dad’s a dementor!”

Even though I am SO sad he is sick, I love that he wants his momma to help him feel better.  Growing up, I always wanted my mom when I didn’t feel good and I STILL feel that way when I’m sick.  When you’re sick, you just want your mom.  Is it terrible for me to admit that I was a tiny bit flattered that no one else would do today?  Even though I got sneezed on and slimed.  So so so worth it.  I know that maybe sounds funny.  But it was special to do one of those things that I didn’t know if I would ever get to do- help my sick child feel better.  I can’t wait for him to get well, don’t get me wrong!  I just feel grateful that I get to take care of him.                

Today we have had lots of cuddles and loves.  Lots of pajama time.  Lots of “Itsy Bitsy Spider.”  Lots of baths.  Lots of stories. 

And now, hopefully, lots and lots of good sleep tonight.            

So Much To Be Thankful For

I went to bed early tonight.  I laid in bed for over an hour tossing and turning and finally decided to get up and do some writing to help me go to sleep.  Why oh why is it that I can’t seem to get my brain to shut off at night?  In any case, I spent some time in my journal and then decided to pop in here for a minute before trotting off to bed… again :).   

I love this time of year when people count their blessings and make gratitude the focus of conversation.  And tonight as I have been reflecting on the day, I have been overcome with gratitude for the many blessings we have been given. 

Though my own gratitude list won’t be unique, I wanted to chime in on this day set aside to focus on our blessings.  I feel so grateful for:

My sweet, supportive husband.  He is my best friend.  I love that we always have so much fun together.  I love that he is such a good daddy and always makes us a priority. 

My precious baby boy.  I am so grateful that he is here, and that he is part of our eternal family.  This is the blessing I have counted most often this past year.   

M’s birth family.  I am so grateful for our Natalie and the many wonderful, kind family members that love Mr. M. 

My family.  Though I wish we lived closer, I am so grateful for my amazing parents and sisters. 

My health and the health of my family.  I’ve had a few very minor problems this past year, but I feel so grateful that we are so blessed to have strong, well bodies.  And I am grateful to live in an age where medicine is so advanced and so much can be done to help those who are sick. 

My home.  I am especially grateful to be protected from the cold and snow.  Winter always makes me particularly glad to have shelter. 

My car.  It is such a blessing to be able to count on our vehicle to get us where we need to go reliably. 

My Country.  I feel blessed to be able to enjoy so many opportunities and freedoms.  I am grateful for the men and women who protect those freedoms, and for those who paid the ultimate price. 

My testimony.  I am thankful for Heavenly Father who has given us so much and for my Savior who understands my sorrows and has atoned for my sins.

The list goes on and on and on. 

I hope you all enjoyed a very lovely Thanksgiving as well!       

Mommy’s Little Helper

I am so lucky to have so much help around the house.  M is always eager to do whatever I am doing.  It definitely takes a bit longer to do all of the things that need to be done with the cutie pie in tow.  But I love that he just wants to be near me.   

M loves to help do laundry. He sits in my lap wile I fold clothes and busies himself by trying to swipe hangers to gnaw on. It’s a tough job, but someone hast to taste test those hangers right? His most favorite thing to do is to pull the folded clothes out of his drawer as fast as I can put more in.  He also loves playing in the upside down clothes hamper. It’s a whole ‘nother world in there guys.

M’s also pretty good at helping me put on my make up.  He takes good care of my mascara while I’m putting on the rest of my makeup.  And he loves to rummage through my makeup bag to find what would be most pretty.  He makes sure to slap the mirror lots and lots because that adds a lot of ambiance when one is prepping for the day.  M also does his best to ensure that I don’t spend TOO much time in front of the mirror (he usually gives me about five minutes), because he doesn’t want to encourage vanity.   

Sometimes, M likes to help me cook.  He busily bangs a wooden spoon against his tray to keep tempo while I whirl about the kitchen creating culinary delights.  If it looks like I’m slacking, he’ll toss his spoons overboard just to give me something to do.     

Most of all, he helps by keeping me on my toes.  He helps by making me a better, more patient person.  He helps by reminding me what is really important, not the laundry or cooking or millions of other little tasks that take up a day.  But time with him. 

Once Upon a Baby Review

I am always on the hunt for good children's books about adoption.  M has a few that I read to him often, and though he doesn’t understand them yet, I like knowing that there are resources available to help us teach him about how he came to our family. 

Once Upon a Baby is unique in that it was written from an LDS viewpoint.  It teaches children not only about adoption, but about their Heavenly Father and His love for them.  What I liked most about this book was that the father was a big part of the story.  Most of the children’s books I have read feature an adoptive mother and her baby but NO mention of a father and very little mention of the birthmother.  In “Once Upon a Baby” each family member was part of the story.

To be honest I am rather picky about books about adoption, and I wouldn’t say that even this one got everything exactly how I would explain it, though it came closer than many.  I am sure it’s impossible to write a book that applies perfectly to every adoption situation (which is why I am planning on making my own little book that tells M’s story just for him).  But I did like the perspective from which it was written and I especially loved that gospel principles were woven throughout.

The author, Shari Guess, is giving away a few free copies.  Feel free to click on the link below to enter for your chance to win. 

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Flirt

This teddy bear you see here is the biggest flirt you will EVER meet.  He loves to charm the ladies.  ESPECIALLY the grandmas (not just his grandma’s but any cute little grandma that glances his way).  He will smile and coo and sing in a high pitched voice and dance and shyly peek from behind my shoulder and just put on the biggest show.  It is so funny to me that he does this, especially because I am terrible at flirting (not that I flirt with anyone other than Spencer) and always have been.  Spencer obviously was a good enough flirt to woo me, but I have heard some very cute and funny stories about his attempts to flirt with girls at stake dances.  I should mention that this was when he was a wee little fourteen-year-old-teacher.  As far as I know, he does not attend stake dances these days (well, except when he goes with me to chaperone).  If M is this practiced at flirting at only seven months old, how will he be when he is SEVENTEEN?  Oh dear.    

The other day we were at the store and M was starting to get fussy.  He had had it with shopping and wanted to go home and take a nap.  We were checking out as M started to work up to a louder cry when this cute elderly couple walked by and the sweet little old lady stopped to say hi to M.  He stopped right in the middle of his fit to flirt.  Like he hadn’t just been throwing the biggest tantrum in the universe.  And then when the couple walked away, he picked up right where he left off and was fussing again.  Spence and I were cracking up.  He is quite the performer.     

M’s new favorite way to flirt is by growling.  He loves to growl at people who happen to cross his path.  They are very good natured growls, which make people bust up laughing, and further encourage his growly bear ways.  It is so funny to hear such a rumble come from someone so small.  He certainly knows how to win hearts.  Especially mine.     

In an Open Adoption, Who Names the Baby?

I haven’t been on top of blogging as I would like these past few weeks.  I was so excited for National Adoption Month, and had lots of things I wanted to write about.  I have been so wrapped up with a few big projects that I just haven’t had as much time for writing.  But before the month totally escapes me I had a few topics I have been thinking about and wanting to share.  Many of these are based on questions that most commonly come up whenever adoption is discussed.  

So first up: In an open adoption relationship who typically names the baby? 

I want to clarify that every open adoption is as different as the individuals sharing that relationship, so there really isn’t any “standard” when it comes to naming a baby who was placed for adoption. I don’t think that the word “typical” truly even applies because I have seen this issue approached so many different ways. But I like sharing examples that I have seen and particularly how we came to name our little M.  I know there are a lot of opinions on this, and I just thought I’d throw mine in the mix.       

I think, most commonly, I have seen the adoptive couple choose the name of the baby.  Often, I have seen adoptive parents select a middle name that pays tribute to the birthparents.  Sometimes the baby is given a middle name after one of the birthparents.  Or sometimes the adoptive couple asks the birthparents to pick the middle name.  We have family members who came up with a few different first names that they really liked and asked the birthparents to pick their favorite of the bunch.  I don’t think that these kinds of things are necessarily always expected, but I personally think it is nice when the name of the child reflects the birthparent or their preferences in some way.  Even couples who don’t use any of these methods often discuss names with birthparents just to get their opinions and input. 

In our case, M’s name comes from his birthmomma.

Some people are surprised by this, but it was something that we felt strongly about.  Before we ever even met Nat, we knew that we wanted our baby’s name to represent their birthparent(s) in some way.  We thought that we would most likely ask the birthparents to pick a middle name for the baby, if that was something that they wanted to do.  We made this decision for a few different reasons:

1. We wanted the birthparents to know that they would not be forgotten.  Nat told me once that when she was first considering adoption her biggest fear was that she would be forgotten.  I would NEVER want our birthparents to feel like we didn’t remember the sacrifice they made.  The gratitude we feel for our baby’s birthmomma is immeasurable.  We hoped that by including the birthparents in the naming process we could show them that we want them to be a part of their child’s life. 

2. We wanted our baby to have yet another piece of his birthparents to carry with him always. 

3. We wanted our baby to know that his parents love his birthparents.  Our working together to name a baby that means so much to all of us, is an expression of love. 

I realize that there are other ways to accomplish these objectives, and we certainly don’t think badly of adoptive couples or birthmoms that feel differently. This is simply how we felt and what we wanted to do.

At some point after Nat told us that she wanted us to be M’s parents, she told us that she had a name that she loved and that she had been calling her little baby boy by.  She told us what it was and though it was a name that we had not thought of ourselves, we really liked it.  Interestingly, it was also VERY similar to a few of our favorite names.  Spence and I talked about it and we decided to use the name Nat picked as the first name and family names for middle names. 

Yes, M has two middle names.  But when you don’t know if or when you will be able to have more kids let alone another boy, you use the names you want to use for pete’s sakes!  M’s middle names both come from his grandpa’s and we couldn’t very well choose one grandpa’s name over the other.  So he got them both.  Though M’s name is kinda long, I love that every bit of it has lots of meaning and significance.     

The way that we all agreed upon and liked M’s name so much was a sweet experience for me.  I have heard of situations where picking a name can be tricky, and I am glad that it wasn’t that way for us.  I have a hard time explaining it, but from the time we felt M bouncing around in Nat’s tummy, his name just FELT right.  And I still feel like it just suits him perfectly today.  An M by any other name just wouldn’t be the same.   

If you have any questions about adoption that you would like answered, feel free to send them my way!  We love opportunities to talk about our adoption experience and are always happy to share our thoughts!   

Pieces of Her

One year ago this week, we first heard from Natalie and our friendship began.  So naturally she has been on my mind a lot lately.  Well, she’s always on my mind, but she has been especially so these past few days. 

I love that I see so much of her in M.  He has her eyes.  Not the color, but the shape is EXACTLY the same, as is the long lovely lashes.  And M smiles the same way his Natalie does.  This huge smile that makes his eyes crinkle just like hers do.  I am glad that he has so many pieces of his Natalie to remind him of her love.   

I am so grateful for her.  I love telling M all about his Natalie.  I read him all of her emails and texts.  And when I lay him in his crib at night I give him two kisses (at least!), one from me and one from her.

I wanted to share this song for National Adoption Month.  It is a song that we listened to on our way to meet Nat for the first time, and have enjoyed many times since.  The video was put together by Families Supporting Adoption. 

Seven Months

M has learned so many fun new tricks this last month that I am so excited to write about. 

The funniest thing he started doing is fake coughing.  It cracks me up that he even knows how to do this.  Who knew that seven months old could act?  But he totally does.  Lots of times he does it when he is starting to fuss.  He’ll throw a fake cough in there as if to say, “Guys, you better pay attention to me, I am seriously ill.”  And if we don’t look up immediately with alarm he coughs HARDER.  Sometimes he does it when he’s perfectly content though.  Often it starts out as a genuine cough, like if some of the water from his sippy cup goes down the wrong pipe, but evolves into a fake cough to get that much more attention.  As Spence put it, he likes to end his cough with a flourish.  It makes us laugh every time.  He can be so dramatic, that little one.

M has lots of other funny noises that he has picked up lately.  He’s started doing this thing where he sucks in his lower lip and then blows it back out.  I guess he is fascinated by the sound it makes because he does this all day long.  He also makes little snorty/smacky sounds when he eats his solids.  It is so cute!  He is quite vocal while he is enjoying his grub.  He kind of sounds like a little piglet.  And M does love to make a big ruckus.  Screaming is M’s specialty.  When he is happy, he just screeches at the top of his lungs.  When Spence comes home from work M musters up his biggest, happiest, screams in greeting.  His other favorite times to scream are during sacrament meeting/Sunday school/relief society.  We spend a lot of time in the hallway.  I know that you are probably thinking that he is a baby and that all babies are loud during these times.  That is true, but M’s volume is exceptional.  So much so that we often get lots of good natured compliments on his healthy set of lungs.  Just trust me on this one.  This baby is LOUD. 

M outgrew his baby tub and now bathes in the big kid tub.  I think he likes it all the better because there is more room to kick and splash.  His favorite is when I let him sit up (with a little help so he doesn’t bonk his cute punkin head).  He started siting up in the cart while we go grocery shopping.  He likes being able to smile at other shoppers without the carseat obstructing his view, but he usually gets tired of the grocery cart halfway through the trip and has to be rescued into mom’s arms. 

M is still not crawling, nor does he seem particularly close.  He hates being on his tummy.  I usually get on the floor with him with lots of toys in attempt to distract him, but M will only stay a few moments before flipping to his back.  I flip the little pancake back to his tummy, only to have him roll over again moments later.  He is just not interested.  I’ve always held (or worn) M a LOT and he adores cuddling more than anything in the world.  My guess is that is part of the reason he doesn’t seem too keen on learning to crawl.  He wants to be in people’s arms socializing, not down on the floor away from all the action.  He would rather cuddle than explore. 

M doesn’t like to be put down a lot.  Which can be tricky sometimes because he is so dang heavy!  Little chunk.  I used to be able to do things like vacuum and make bottles and such one handed.  But it is getting harder the bigger he gets.  M Bug is most content when he is doing what we are doing.  He loves to “help” me put on makeup.  I sit in front of the floor length mirror while M slaps his reflection or chews on a tube of my mascara.  He loves all the pretty shiny make up bottles.  M also likes to sit in our laps at the table.  He will sit in his high chair for a short while sometimes and enjoy fruit in his fresh food feeder.  But usually, at some point during the meal, he ends up on one of our laps.  He then tries his darndest to slap his hands in our food.  He is just so eager to eat what we are eating. 

We go for long walks most days of the week.  M loves being outside more than anything.  He also loves when we sing “Once There was a Snowman” and lift him high in the air for the “tall tall tall parts” only to come melting back down.  He giggles and giggles when we do this.  M has discovered that it is fun to throw the sippy cup or fresh food feeder overboard during meal time.  He has also discovered that it is hilarious to pull the wipe that is covering him up during diaper changes off.  He swipes it and brings it up to his mouth with the speed of a viper striking its prey.  He’s quick.  Very quick.  Luckily, mommy also has cat-like reflexes and is able to intercept most wipes.  M adores reading stories.  His favorites are the ones with the least real words and the most animal sounds. 

My favorite moments are when I get him from his crib first thing in the morning. M gives me the biggest grin in the world and always makes the sweetest little most contented sigh when I pick him up. Like he is just so happy that I have come to rescue him. Like there is no where in the world he would rather be than in my arms. I also love when he lays on my chest and tucks his head under my chin. Those are my most treasured moments. I try to savor every second.

As I was looking through all of M’s six month photos I was shocked at how old he looked.  I think it’s because he’s developing more of a neck.  Stop it cutie!  Stay little tiny kay?