Merry Christmas!

Spencer’s friend from work helped us take a picture to send out in Christmas cards.  We thought she did such a good job!  We had a few that we quite liked, but we ended up going with the one above. 

Look at that cutie in his wee sweater!  He was such a good sport about smiling for the pictures.     

It really ended up being such a lovely day for a photo shoot. 

Below is my most favorite shot of the day.  Clearly, I was having an amazing eyebrow day. 


Creepy huh? I really have no idea how that strand of hair aligned itself so perfectly. I look a little villainous, if I do say so myself.

Anyway, have a very happy Christmas!

Report Card

I always grow very introspective this time of year.  With the bittersweet nostalgia of Christmastime in the air and the closing of one more year close on its heels, I find myself reflecting on how my time has been spent and evaluating what I can do to further enrich my life and my relationships.

As always, there are changes to be made, but there are also accomplishments and progress to be appreciated. 

What I have felt most strongly this season is an intense desire to savor every second, both this Christmas and in the years to come.  To be fully present, and really connect with the people I love most. 

This has been a focus of mine for some time now, and I do believe that savoring time with family is one of my strengths.  But a few specific events in the world and in our family have reaffirmed for me how important being present really is and have reminded me, yet again, of the fleetingness of time. 

Mine is the struggle of balancing BEING in he moment, versus PRESERVING the moment.  It is not that I take life’s little moments for granted.  Rather I put so much significance on every small event (particularly with my little boy) that I waffle between recording it and just enjoying it.  One of my greatest fears is that I will forget.  I honestly can’t bear the thought of not remembering the little details I cherish so much.  Sometimes I have to consciously push the camera aside, drop my fears of forgetting, and just take the moment for what it is.  I am constantly evaluating and adjusting, but I am trying to find the best balance I can. 

I need this time to ponder the things that are most important in life.  I don’t think it is coincidence that we celebrate the birth of the Savior so close to the arrival of a new year.  The special focus on Christ and His life help me realign my priorities for the coming months. 

Sometimes, I feel a bit embarrassed as I create a kind of personal report card on all that I meant to accomplish.  Because I am human, the further we get into the year, the less present my well-intentioned resolutions are in my thoughts.  Sometimes I don’t do as much as I wanted to do as well as I wanted to do it.  Sometimes I fall of the horse entirely.  That is why I need this time so much.  To recommit.  To reconnect.  To refocus.  And then to dive back into life and routine with a clearer perspective.  A perspective that can only come from my Savior, Jesus Christ.

I am so grateful for Him and for the opportunity to celebrate His life.  And I am grateful that because of His sacrifice I can keep making changes to become a better Whitney.     

Moments I Live For

When M rests his head on my shoulder.  This often only happens when he is just waking up, just getting sleepy, or is not feeling 100%.  I love it all the more because it’s so rare.     

When Spence comes home from work, his face lights up when he see’s his kiddo.  Spence kisses me, and then scoops that M Bug up to cover him in kisses too.  I love seeing my sweetheart be a daddy.   

When I realize that M has been absorbing more than Spence and I even realized.  Like when Spencer was reading M one of his favorite books, “Five Little Monkey’s Jumping on the Bed,” M started hopping up and down in Spencer’s lap on the jumping parts. Smart boy! We were both so amazed that he had picked that up on his own without any coaching.  It was just like the whole MWAH thing!   

When M shows unprompted affection.  Today, I was holding him in my arms and he leaned over and gave me a big kiss on the cheek without my even asking!  I died you guys, I just died.  Proudest mommy moment in the WORLD.  I have been thinking about that kiss all day.  M has also recently learned how to give hugs.  I LOVE when he throws his arms around my neck and squeezes.  It’s my new favorite thing.  

M’s first smile of the day.  He just BEAMS up at me from his crib.  He gets so excited to see me that he squeals and slaps his pot belly with all his might all while grinning as big as humanly possible.  That grin could melt a heart of stone.         

When he falls asleep in my arms.  Even though he’s so heavy that he literally makes my arm fall asleep if I hold him too long, I ADORE holding my sleeping angel.

When M and I are sitting side by side on the floor, and he touches my knee for reassurance.  When he looks up at me just to make sure that I’m watching him.  I love being his safe place.

When M shows off his personality.  Like yesterday, I sat M on my lap with his favorite book (“Five Little Monkeys” surprise, surprise).  It was only after we sat down that I realized he was stinky.  When I put him on the changing table, he started crying because he was so excited to read his story.  I didn’t want to have him sit in filth while we read stories, so I changed him real quick before we sat back down.  He happied up the second we opened the book back up.  It was amazing to me that he would be sad over a story.  Tiny Newborn M only cried over things like being hungry, being tired… But to cry because he was disappointed, well that was a big boy emotion!  He has opinions and preferences and seeing them unfold astounds me every time.         

When I hear M giggle. I never want to forget that giggle!  It’s somehow even more precious when I hear a disembodied giggle when he’s playing with his daddy in the other room.  I don’t know why, but hearing him when I can’t see him makes me laugh.  Weird huh?

When M just wants his Mom.  I am never so flattered as when M WANTS me to hold him and cuddle him.  Of course, I do those things all day long, but the times when he asks for them melt my heart.  I adore getting to be that person for someone.  There’s nothing better.  

The Why

We just had a visit from our Natalie and her very sweet best friend, Kortney, who is also a birthmomma. It was the most delightful visit and was over all too soon. We had such a good conversation about open adoption while M Bug was napping. Spence and I LOVED hearing about adoption from Nat and Kort’s perspectives. Seriously, I was hanging on their every word. I thrive on learning from others experiences and hearing their stories, but I especially love hearing from birthmoms.

I’ve talked before about why we have an open adoption.  As I’ve mentioned previously, it’s not always understood and we spend a lot of time explaining why we have chosen openness.  But it’s funny because our most compelling reasons for having an open adoption are the most difficult to put into words. 

Yes, it is because the birthparents can see that the baby they placed is happy and thriving. Yes, the child who was placed for adoption can know the reasons for their placement and that they were loved long before they were born. And yes, the adoptive couple can know how the birthmomma that they love so much is doing.

It is all of those reasons and yet it is more.

It is for moments like this:

There is your why.

The why that is intangible and difficult to put into words, yet as real and powerful as anything you have ever felt.  Openness is what just feels… RIGHT for our family. 

I always wish that those who don’t understand our relationship, could meet our Natalie.  All it would take is five minutes with her and then they would TOTALLY get it. 

It is not uncommon to hear adoptive couples talk about adoption as the greatest miracle, but what people don’t realize is that adoption can be a blessing for every person in the adoption triad, including birthmoms. I am not trying to put words in the mouth of most birthmoms, or even M’s birthmom, so I asked her if I could share part of the text she sent last night. 

“Guys thank you so much for everything. You’re amazing. I love you guys so so much. Seeing you guys seriously couldn’t have made me happier. It heals me seeing you guys together happy as can be. You’re amazing wonderful people… and even better parents to the M bug: )  Love you three!!!”

There is your why. 

Hearing that just makes our hearts sing.  It brings us peace to know that Nat has found peace.  That is what we have always prayed for.  That is what we want for her more than anything, to be happy.     

That is why are so grateful for our open relationship.  Even though some people find our friendship with Natalie unusual, or even shocking, I honestly wouldn’t have it any other day. 

MWAH!

Cutie Pie has a problem.  And it is this:

His cheeks are too dang delicious.  So we must smooch them.  All. Day. Long.  Baby Boy is constantly being smothered in kisses.

Whether he likes it:   

Or not:

Can you blame us?  I mean really, how can one possibly resist? 

The only thing I love better than giving Teddy Bear kisses is GETTING kisses from him.  M has been good at giving kisses for a while now.  When we say, “Can I have a kiss?”  he opens his mouth as wide as possible and leaves a slobbery ring on our cheeks.  I love it.  But tonight he started doing something new.  He started making a “mwah” sound after he kissed our cheeks.  It is definitely the most precious thing I have ever seen in my life.   

I just can’t imagine where he learned it :). 

Don’t Cry Over Spilled Milk

A few days ago, we had a disaster in the kitchen.  I was hurrying to make M a bottle.  He was not a happy camper at that moment.  He was most especially not happy that I had the audacity to set him down to make the baba.   So I was really rushing to get that bottle made as soon as possible.  In my rush, I set the bottle too close to the edge of the counter, without the lid on. 

You can see what happened.  Well, kind of.  What is NOT pictured is M covered head to toe in formula.  BUUUT… you can see exactly where he was sitting.  There is a dry spot in the exact shape of his chubby thighs. 

I scooped M up, feeling really terrible for getting him all wet and sticky.  We looked at each other in shock and then both started giggling.  Until M remembered that he was soaked to the diaper, and he burst into tears again. 

Nothing a little bubble bath couldn’t fix. 

All smiles again in no time. 

But even though I’ve mopped about four times since then, our floor’s still a wee bit sticky. 

Our Elf on the Shelf

(Or, piano as the case may be).  I haven’t actually read Elf on the Shelf yet.  I know, I know, I live under a rock.  I think it looks super fun and I am excited to do it someday with M when he gets older.  Only, I’m gonna be honest, I think that the shelf elf is super creepy looking.  I plan on making my own, less scary looking elf.   

We have been soaking up all the holiday goodness we can at our house.  M LOVES all the pretty lights.  I think his favorite part of the evening is when we walk from room to room plugging them all in.  We plug them in first thing when we wake up too.  Because goodness knows that M’s always up before the sun (which isn’t really hard to do this time of year, but lately he’s been getting up WAAAAY before sunrise).  I can’t think of a better way to start the day than a cuddly, pajama clad baby in your lap, a cup of hot chocolate in your hand, and a cozy lit up Christmas tree to your right.   

The other day I took M to meet Santa!  He actually has met him twice now.  The first time, he managed to grab a fistful of beard and tug with all his might.  The second time, he got to sit on Santa’s lap.  I wasn’t sure how he would do, or if he would get scared.  He sometimes doesn’t like it if I get more than an arms length away from him.  Cutie pie.  But he loved Santa!  He was so fascinated by him that I couldn’t get him to look up for a picture.  He was wearing the cuuuuutest reindeer beanie, but it’s a little hard to tell from these pictures.  I’ll try to get a better one.      

I’ve been working on a Christmas album.  I can’t wait to share pictures of it soon! 

M at Eight Months

One of the things I noticed first when I was comparing M’s 7 month photos to his 8 month ones was his hair.  It is getting so long!  I think he could use a little trim but I am scared I’ll mess it up.  I dearly love the curl on the top of his head.  Plus, his hair is thin enough that I don’t want to take too much off. 

M has started doing all sorts of fun things this past month.  My favorite thing is that he has started “talking” as opposed to just making sounds.  He says two things so far: “babababa” and “dadadadada.”  He doesn’t really connect “dadada” to daddy yet; it will be exciting when he does!  I say “mama”  to him all the time in hopes that he will pick up “mamamama” next.  It is so cute to hear how many things he is able to communicate with just those two words.  He yells “baba” at the top of his lungs when he is very happy and often shouts “baba” over and over while he is in the bath.  Sometimes, he will sing “bababa” along with the radio.  He whispers “dadada” when he is concentrating very hard on something, like pulling his toys out of his drawer.  I love hearing his little voice more than any other sound in the world.     

M has become quite the jumper!  He finally figured out how to JUMP in the johhny jump, as opposed to just walk in circles.  He’s been hopping ever since.  It is rather amazing that he has the endurance to jump as long and hard as he does.  He loves to jump outside the bouncer too.  Anytime he is standing in our laps, supported under the armpits, he jumps and jumps.  It is so funny to watch him shake that diaper bum.  He wants to be standing ALL the time so that he can do this.  He will rarely sit in our laps anymore.  Nope, it’s hop on pop for this kid 24/7.   

I love watching M get more and more expressive.  He makes so many funny faces.  He is constantly poking his tongue out.  He also makes this face where he puckers his lips and puffs his cheeks out.  It’s so cute, but I haven’t been able to get a picture of it yet.  His personality is emerging more and more each day.  He is still a fairly cheerful guy, especially when there are friends and strangers alike to woo.

As of TODAY M officially has a tooth!  It is just a tiny little nubbin, barely poking out.  Who knew that something so small could make someone so miserable?  Poor little guy.  I confess, I am going to miss that gummy grin!  That toothless smile of his is perfection, though I am certain he’ll look just as cute with a jack o’ lantern smile. 

M continues to love his chow, and is most happy when he gets a tiny taste of what we’re eating (if we’re having something he can have that is).  Pretty much the only things he hasn’t liked so far have been turkey (I can hardly blame him, baby food turkey looks disgusting), and yogurt puffs.  He made such a sour expression each time he tried the yogurt bites.  He does, however, adore his cereal puffs and has been getting better at feeding them to himself.  It is so cute to watch him stuff his whole fist in his mouth, just to get one little puff in there. 

M’s down to two naps a day.  He still only sleeps about 15-20 minutes.  He loves bedtime and wants to hunker down for the night pretty early.  He’s an early to bed, early riser.  He rolls all over the crib, and I always find him in a different spot each time I go to check on him.    

M’s still not crawling, but he is quite good at rolling all about and getting stuck in various places.  He likes to try and roll away from us when we are getting him dressed for the day, or changing his diaper, or wiping his nose, or fixing his hair… He’s rolly poly that’s for sure.  I especially adore his fat little thigh rolls.  May they never slim down!  

We sure do love our handsome boy. 

Oh Dear

I know it’s blurry, but this picture makes me laugh. 

Someone has decided that they have a will of their own!  M Bug discovered that by arching his back with all his might he can hinder the process of doing things that he doesn’t want to do i.e. get strapped in his carseat or get a diaper changed or put a new onesie on. 

It is funny that he has developed this new form of protest, because he LOVES things like car rides and clean diapers.  But he wants them on his own terms.  It is amazing to me to see this stubborn side of his personality emerge.  He is a little person!  I mean, I always knew that, but seeing him express preferences and dislikes has been eye opening. 

Silly boy.  He’s awful cute. 

Even when he’s being a stinker.