The Special Men In My Life

I honestly have too much to write about today, so we will be breaking this up into a couple posts.  I just have too many good things to share about too many fabulous people. 

So, first up … drumroll please… MY DAD!

I have the best dad in the world.  Seriously.  THE BEST! 

He is one of the best listeners around.  When I lived at home, I loved riding in the car with him (even if it was just to run errands) because I LOVED having time to talk and enjoy his company.  Some of my favorite memories from growing up were just talking in the car.  Isn’t that interesting that one of the most mundane parts of my day (sitting in traffic) would end up being the most memorable?  But it’s because Dad always wanted to hear what I had to say and get my perspective on things.  He still does.  In so doing, he makes me feel important.  I love that about him. 

My dad has always been my number one fan.  When I wanted to try out for the basketball team, he was right out there in the driveway with me practicing layups.  Never mind that he hadn’t had much basketball experience himself.  He threw his whole focus into helping me reach my goals.  He told me I could do it.  And I did.  And you better believe that he was at every single one of my basketball games, cheering on the sidelines.  I was never the star player, or even close to it, but dad was always quick to point out my contributions.  

My dad is an amazing example of overcoming.  He has had several challenges in his life which he has met head on.  And yet he remains other-focused in spite of all of the things he has going on in his own life.  I want to be just like that.  I remember a particular instance where I had been struggling (when we were going through our failed placement).  I was crying to my dad on the phone and he humbly told me that he had fasted for me.  And you know what?  I felt the power of that fast.  I know it carried me through.  I believe there is particular power in prayer when it is offered on behalf of others.  I was so touched then, and the many other times my dad has approached Heavenly Father asking for blessings for me.  

Today, one of my favorite sights in the world is my dad holding my baby.  I love watching my daddy be a grandpa. 

I can’t think of a better example for Mason to look to as he grows up.  That’s one of the many reasons we named him after my dad. 

I love you Dad!  Happy Father’s Day! 

Letter to Baby (at 2 Months)

Dear Baby Boy,

You have changed so much in the past month!  You look so big and grown up in that picture, I about can’t stand it!

Lately you are beginning to discover your hands.  You love to chew on them and wave them around.  Every chance you get, you’ve got a hand in your mouth.  Even when we have swaddled you up all tight for a nap or for bedtime, somehow you often manage to set at least one arm free and are happily waving it around when we peek in on you.  You are a regular little Houdini, that’s for sure.  Another magic trick of yours is making your pacifier disappear.  Especially when you are sitting in your car seat.  We will strap you in with your pacy safely in your mouth and when we arrive at our destination, it’s gone!  I swear I don’t know where those things go!  They must hit the floor and evaporate.  Magic! 

You aren’t yet really playing with any toys (I keep putting your wrist rattlers on to see if you are interested in them), but I feel like you are developing more of an interest in them.  You love to stare at the toys that hang over your bouncer.  And you wave your hands at them like you are just about to figure out that you can swat them. 

You are becoming more and more vocal.  One of my favorite things in the world is when you jabber away.  It is so cute when you wake up in the morning smiling and talking like you are just so excited to tell me about your night.  For some reason it’s even cuter if I can’t see you.  Like if we are driving along in the car and you are in the backseat just talking to yourself.  I don’t know why, but it cracks me up.  There is one particular little noise that just kills me!  It’s this little coo that you make while you are smiling the hugest, double-chin, smile.  I love it! 

You are a very cuddly baby.  You love to rest your head on our shoulders and just be held close.  You hate your car seat, tolerate your bassinet, and love your bouncer.  But your favorite thing is to be held.  You are always happiest when you are in someone's arms.  I bet you are going to be a little social bug someday, because you are so interested in interacting with whoever is holding you.

Your eyes are as blue as ever.  We are so curious to see if they will change color, but we kind of hope not just because we love your pretty blue eyes so much!  Your cheeks continue to grow chubbier and chubbier (the better to kiss them, my dear).  We actually have to pay extra attention to cleaning your neck during baths because your cheeks are so pudgy they rest on your shoulders!  Your receding hairline grew back, and you still have a little curl in your hair.  Your hair looks almost red in some lights, but kind of sandy blond in others.   

You are already wearing three month old clothing!  Today was kind of momentous because you are now big enough to wear your whale onesie, which just happens to be one of my favorite outfits of yours.  I picked it out after we met your Natalie.  In the months before you were born, I loved to go into the nursery and pull the whale outfit out of your closet, just to look at it.  Try as I might, I could barely imagine having a baby to wear it, and here you are!  

I just love the stage of life you are in right now.  It is so fun to interact with you and have you smile and babble back.  I love watching you grow more and more aware of your surroundings.  It really does just keep getting better and better.  Even though it is going by so fast, each new day is better than the last.  I just love you so much!

love,

Mom 

Field of Dreams

Where we live, there are lots of lovely sprawling fields nearby.  Last summer I was so excited to have a photo shoot in the field, but they were mowed down before we got the chance to do it!  So last Sunday, Spencer suggested we go take some photos before it was too late AGAIN. 

The chubster looked so cute in his little Sunday outfit.  You might be able to tell by now that he has a thing for sweater vests.  He has style, that’s for sure. 

Picnic Plans

We were really excited to take Mason to the park on a picnic this past weekend.  So Spencie made sandwiches.  And we packed up our cute picnic basket, replenished the diaper bag, put Lizzy on a leash, strapped Baby into his car seat, loaded up the car, pulled out onto the road, and started driving. 

The sky started out looking like this:

(A few clouds, yes, but an overall lovely day.)

But pretty soon it started to look like this:

(A drop or two splashed on our foreheads right as we climbed out of the car.)

So we turned right around and drove home.  But don’t you worry.  A picnic we had packed.  A picnic we would eat. 

Baby see, baby do:

We feasted.  We cuddled.  We listened to the rain pour outside while we all lounged about inside.  It was all very cozy. 

We finished our dessert and pretty soon after peeked out the window to see this:

Ah well, still a lovely afternoon well spent if I do say so myself. 

Whitney White and the 7 Dwarfs

I whistled while I made this. 

Bonding With Your Baby After Adoption

Bonding and attachment have long been topics I have had an interest in. You see, I studied Human Development in college, and all of my undergraduate research was on attachment issues.  Attachment is basically the bond between an individual (in this case infant) and his caregiver.  According to Bowlby’s Theory of Attachment, there are four basic attachment styles.  I won’t go into all of the details here, but there are both healthy and unhealthy attachment styles.  After combing through tons of data and information on the subject, it was really startling to see how critical early attachment is as it pertains to an individuals later relationships. 

This might sound somewhat like commons sense.  OF COURSE a baby’s first and most important relationship with a caregiver will affect their later relationships.  But for me not just seeing, but actually uncovering the statistics, was really sobering. 

In some ways, the prospect of attachment with a baby who had been adopted left me with some concerns.  (Those concerns really seem a bit funny now, as not one of them has come to fruition.) 
As a side note, I should specify that I was never for one second worried about my ability to attach to my baby.  I knew I would love my baby completely and instantly.  And I did.  I completely fell in love with that little squirt from the moment I felt him bouncing around in Natalie”s tummy.  That love grew exponentially from the first time I held him.  The moment I laid eyes on him, my heart said, “There you are! I’ve been waiting for you!”  It’s only gotten better ever since. 

I was, however, slightly worried about my baby being able to attach easily to me.  After all every single thing about me would be unfamiliar to him.  From the sound of my voice to the way I smell, nothing would be what he was used to.  Unlike most babies, our little mister would have to learn who his momma is.  I was also a little sad that I would be unable to breastfeed (Yes, I know that some adoptive moms are able to breastfeed.  As much as I wish I could, my body just can’t).  I always thought that would be a bonding experience I would be able to have with my babies.
  
I knew things would eventually work out.  I know too many happy families created through adoption to believe otherwise.  But I had also heard stories about how developing that bond can be a bit tricky at first sometimes.  So before our baby boy joined our family, I did lots of research on what things Spencer and I could do to foster positive attachment.  Though I had studied the topic of attachment extensively, I had never before looked at it in the context of adoption.  There was lots of good information, as well as several suggestions from friends who have also adopted that I found truly helpful.  I only focused on infant adoption, because we adopted our son right after birth.  But of course there are also lots of resources available to couples adopting older children.

So here’s a few ideas that worked for our family:

1. When at all possible, the parents of the baby should be the ones to feed the baby.  Feeding is perhaps THE most bonding experience.  You will likely have many kind offers from others to help.  But it might be confusing to the baby to be fed from several different people.  He needs to learn who his caregivers are.  I would recommend really focusing on Baby during feeding times.  Talk to him, sing to him, cuddle him close, and really give him the opportunity to get to know you.  One of the perks of bottle feeding is that it gives daddy the opportunity to bond with Baby in that way too.  Take advantage of it. 

2.  Enjoy skin to skin contact with baby.  There are actually lots of health reasons to do this, as well as being a bonding experience.  Numerous studies have shown that skin to skin contact can regulate the baby’s temperature, heart, and breathing; elevate the baby’s blood sugar; and allow the baby to be colonized by the same bacteria as his mother.
 
3. Invest in a baby wrap.  My sister gave us a Moby that I have just loved.  By doing a lot of baby wearing you can get things done around the house (like vacuuming or folding laundry), but still have your baby close to you.  Baby Boy loves it too.  He is perfectly happy and content being close to me and doing whatever I am doing.

4. Communicate how much you love your baby through touch.  Especially after bath time, you can gently rub lotion on Baby’s skin.  It is very important for Baby to learn your touch.  I love to turn on the space heater for Baby Boy after his bath and sing to him while I get him all dry and dressed and ready for the day.  It’s nice when we can start of the morning in a way that he finds relaxing and comforting. 

5. One thing we did to help comfort our baby was to wrap him in the blanket he was swaddled in at the hospital.  Because his birthmom had cuddled with him while he was wrapped in the blanket, we knew it would smell like her.  We hoped it would be familiar and reassuring for him to have a piece of his birthmomma come home from the hospital with him.  We used that blanket a lot those first few days, and we really think that it helped.  

Poor baby had to be on the lamps for a few days.  We laid his "Natalie blanket" over him to help calm him down.

Hopefully these few ideas can be helpful.  There are TONS more.  Adoptive Families Magazine has some of the best information I have found on bonding with your baby after adoption.  Check out this link here.   

I might also add to be patient.  Adoption is always stressful, even under the very best of circumstances.  Unlike individuals who give birth to their babies, adoptive parents may meet their child for the first time in an unfamiliar city/state and then bring their baby “home” to a hotel room to wait for paperwork to clear.  The fact of the matter is, that it may take you extra time to hit your stride and develop a consistent schedule.  I have heard of some families who needed a few weeks or months to finally develop an attachment with their child.    

But it will happen.  I was so excited when Baby Boy started turning his head to search for my voice.  It was even more exciting when he began to recognize me in the morning and would greet me with a big smile.  I love that when he”s sad, he usually just needs some loves from his mommy to cheer him up. 



There's no doubt about it, this kiddo knows who his momma is.

Mr. M’s First Trip to the Zoo

We took the little cutie for a trip to the zoo while his Aunt Chelsey was visiting!  He LOOOOVED it!  Especially the monkeys.  Monkeys are his favorite.  Well, okay, mostly he kind of napped in his stroller.  But we had lots of fun showing him all of the animals nevertheless.

“Look baby!  It’s a Zebra!”:

“ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ…”

 

“Oh look Baby!  It’s a goat!”:

I realize in this picture it kind of looks like the goat is a little up close and personal.  I promise that the goat was, in fact, a respectable distance away from my kid (HAHA “Kid” I slay myself).  But really, I didn’t let the goat close enough to eat my baby.  He was much further away than it looks.  Just thought I would let you know lest you worry…

“ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ…”

 

“Oh look Baby it’s Aunt Chelsey in a tortoise shell!  Now THERE”S a sight you don’t see everyday! Rare!  Beauuuuuuuuuuuuuuutiful!”:

“Oh look Baby, It’s a Daddy!  Genus: Homosapien, Class: Goofball.”:

“Not impressed here Mom.”:

BAH!  He’s so cute!  Chubmiser. 

We had lots of fun taking pictures:

I do wish we could have gotten a picture of baby in the love nest with us, but he was sleeping so peacefully, that we didn’t want to disturb him.  Next time.  Next time. 

Perhaps our favorite part of the trip was feeding a Giraffe!  BABY! 

But honestly, for me, the real highlight was this:

No, NOT watching Spencer’s bum prance along.  Dirty minds.   

It was watching my handsome sweetheart push my little sweetheart around in the stroller.  We have waited so long to share our family adventures with a little one.  Even though he pretty much slept a lot of the time, It was a delight to have our precious little guy along for the ride.