Last weekend our family was able to go to the temple to have Kellen sealed to us. It was such a special day and one that had been anxiously anticipated by our whole family from the time Kellen made us a family of four. Mason was especially excited about the temple. He loved to show us his special temple outfit and would ask us all the time if it was “Time a go to da temple?” He had his very own little “For Strength of Youth” pamphlet that he carried with him EVERYWHERE just because it had a temple on the cover. We had several special family home evenings where we talked about how the boys would get to go inside the temple and how we would get to be together forever. We also talked a lot about how it’s important to be reverent in the temple :). Even though they are very little, we wanted the boys to understand in some small measure how special temples are and how they can feel Heavenly Father’s love for them in that sacred place.
Our guests started arriving on Friday. We were especially excited to finally be able to introduce Natalie and Serena to each other! It was an amazing experience to be able to spend time with both of our kiddo’s birth mom’s at the same time, so much so that I think it deserves a post of its own. So more on that later :). We were very touched that so many of our family members and friends were able to be there for Kellen’s sealing. We had people travel very long distances to be with us for only a short time and it meant a lot to our family.
Finally Saturday arrived. With as much juggling as we had had to do to schedule the event, we were relieved it was finally happening! As soon as we stepped through the temple’s front doors, I was already tearing up. Here’s what I wrote about our experience in a family email:
In the temple, Spencer and I were already seated in the sealing room when our guests arrived. After everyone was seated, they brought the boys in. Mason walked in first in his little white suit and with a big smile on his face exclaimed, "Hi gamma!" which made everyone chuckle. Kellen was perched in the temple worker's arms just looking around the room, taking it all in. He looked like a little angel. He smiled at me from Mom's lap and I was filled with gratitude that he would get to be part of our family forever. Mason sat contentedly with us for a moment, but then when Grandma Blake was holding him (we had asked her to hold Mason and my mom to hold Kellen) he spotted Gampa and was DETERMINED to get to him. He kept saying, "Wanna cuddle dat Gampa!" Dad was a witness, so he couldn't cuddle Mason at that moment and that was very upsetting to Mason Bug. He actually had to sit still for kind of a long time for a two year old since the sealer talked for a few minutes. No wonder Mason was saying, "All done now mama!" and "Go down dose stairs!"
Then when it was time for the actual ordinance, Mom held Kellen, and I held his pudgy little hand on ours and we became a forever family. Kellen was perfect. He just looked at us and around the room and was absolutely angelic. The veil has never seemed so thin to me as those times we were in the temple being sealed to our boys. In that moment with Kellen's little hand on ours and my cute little two year old squirming and squawking in the background, and all of us surrounded by so many people we love my heart was full to bursting. The little family we waited so long for, prayed so hard for, wanted so much is here. I am so grateful that we can be together forever. Having lived the first four months of Kellen's life without that blessing makes me that much more grateful to have it in our lives now.
We came out of the temple and gave Serena and family members hugs. Serena and I were crying as we hugged each other. We were so happy she could be there.
I so desperately wanted it to be a beautiful, peaceful day. I have felt some guilt that there have been so many hard things surrounding Kellen’s arrival to our family. My family has gone through some tough things and I’ve watched people I love struggle with health challenges and stresses. I have sometimes felt bad that I have had worries on my mind even while I am enjoying the most beautiful, sweet little baby.
That feeling has been compounded with the guilt I have felt as I’ve adjusted to being a mother to two. I know it’s natural to feel torn sometimes as you balance a growing family. Nevertheless, there have been times when I have struggled with the fact that Kellen does not get one million percent of my attention like Mason did when he was a baby. I love both of my boys so dearly and I worry about Kellen missing out on the kind of time and attention that I want to give, but that has to be shared. But then I remember that Kellen has now what Mason didn’t: a big brother. My boys are so, so lucky to have each other. I may not have the exact same amount of time to admire every little smile and wiggle that Kellen makes, but Kellen gets a big brother to bring him pacy’s, and tickle his belly, and who just can’t wait for him to wake up in the morning so they can play together. I know that they were meant to be brothers. And I know that their friendship will only get better as the years go by.
Because I have been struggling with some of those more complex feelings, I just really wanted Kellen’s day to be perfect. And I discovered that even amidst traffic and tantrums and all of the chaos that comes with a busy day that it was.
How I love my little sweetheart.
I know that Kellen was sent to our family in the way and with the timing that was meant to be. His calming presence and cheerful temperament were exactly what our family needed. I don’t know how to say it to convey how strongly I mean it, but I just KNOW that Kellen was meant to be a part of our forever family.
I found this quote by Elder Maxwell that explains it all so well:
“We know more than we can tell! Sometimes the things we know take the form of knowledge about what is happening to us in life in which we sense purpose, in which we sense divine design, but which we cannot speak about with full articulateness. There are simply moments of mute comprehension and of mute certitude. We need to pay attention when these moments come to us, because God often gives us the assurances we need but not necessarily the capacity to transmit these assurances to anyone else.”
That is exactly how I feel about my children and how they came to be a part of our family. There aren’t words strong enough or meanings deep enough to explain it, but oh how I love my boys. I know that our family was meant to find each other. When Spencer and I were dreaming of and waiting for our children, we were waiting for Mason and Kellen. Not just any baby, we were waiting for OUR babies. And thanks to two brave birth mothers, we found them. I am so grateful for our children’s birth families. 
They made our family what it is.
Photo credit:
Photos were taken by a friend from our stake, Nancy Higgins, the actual day of our sealing. But since I knew both boys would be cranky by the end of the day (and they were) we ended up taking pictures of just our family of four a different day. I was glad we did because the boys were much happier that day and we were able to get some photos of just the four of us, which we hadn’t been able to do on Saturday. All of the colored photographs were taken by Portraits by Cynthi.
