What Role Did Social Media Play in Your Adoption Experience?

Todays question actually comes from an interview I did with a  BYU student in the journalism program. 

Since she is where my husband was just a few years ago, I was especially happy to help out.  And plus, I jump at any opportunity to talk about adoption.  One of my favorite subjects!

So… When we first started the adoption process the summer of 2011, our social worker told us that these days, two thirds of birthparents find the adoptive couple to parent their baby out of agency.  This means that the majority of birthparents select an adoptive couple from word of mouth or often online resources, especially social media.  For this reason, our caseworker encouraged us to do as much as we felt comfortable with to spread the word on our own.  We had a few ways that we set about accomplishing this.   

1. Our adoption blog!  We started the blog a looooooooooooooong time before we were approved.  Mostly because we were waiting to start the approval process until we had moved out of state and the move ended up taking months longer than we anticipated.  THAT was the hardest part of the waiting process.  Waiting to start the paperwork to wait some more to be selected.  In any case, blogging gave me something to do to feel like I was moving forward in our search to find our baby.    

2. Our Facebook page.  We would periodically share blog posts and adoption updates on our page.  We’re not really Facebook people, me in particular, but we had heard it was a good idea, so we gave it a try. 

3. Our adoption video.  We made the video because there was a special spot for it on our adoption profile.  Since Spence pretty much edits video for a living and all, we thought it would be a fun thing to do.  We are constantly making videos anyway, so we thought it would also be neat to document a big part of our lives at the time.   

4. Media blitz.  My sister hosted a media blitz where she e-mailed all of our friends and asked them to share our adoption profile (on itsaboutlove.org) on facebook/email/twitter or any other way they could think of on the same day.  It was amazing to see the outreach of people who shared our information that day.  We were very touched and humbled to see friends and even many strangers share our story with the hopes of helping us find our baby.   

(Okay, and now for a HUGE aside. 

Those these aren’t necessarily ways to use social media, but I thought while I was on the subject I’d share a few more things we did for any couples that are also hoping to get their name out there.  I was always trying to think of what else I could do to maybe help move things along so here’s a few more ideas you can add to the mix: 

• Passalong cards. We sent these to our family members and a few friends, that way if they ever heard of anyone that was hoping to place a baby, they could share our information. We even had a few people that displayed the cards at their place of business. We actually did have one expectant mother contact us because our friend gave her a passalong card! Obviously, she didn’t place with us, but it was encouraging to have the experience.
• Create an electronic signature on your e-mail with a link to your adoption blog or profile.
• Create a button for your adoption blog/profile.  

Huge rambling detour over.  Moving right along…)

As it ended up, Natalie found our profile on itsaboutlove.org directly, so she was part of the group who find a couple through the agency.  BUT we do know that she liked our adoption video and our blog, so I would maybe think that social media had an impact on her decision to place with us, though it was not how she found us.  In my personal opinion, it is probably hard to really get to know someone based ONLY on a profile, so it is nice if you keep a blog detailing some of life’s everyday moments and adventures.   

I would also say that the role social media played in our adoption experience is ongoing.  Our adoption blog, in particular, has had an amazing impact on our adoption experience because we have been able to connect with many individuals who are also involved in adoption.  

It has been a tremendous support to be able to find other adoptive couples who are going through the exact same things.  This was of particular comfort during the waiting period.  I poured over other couples stories trying to prepare myself for what I hoped would come.  I have developed friendships with many amazing birthmoms through social media.  I love learning from them and hearing their perspective.  It helps me know what I can to support Natalie and reach out to her in ways that are meaningful.  I have also especially enjoyed connecting with individuals who were adopted and learning what kinds of things I can to to help Mason develop a healthy understanding of his adoption and the reasons for which he was placed.

I have also found value in sharing our story in hopes that it might bless the life of another.  It would be amazing if our story helped someone else consider adoption, be it adoptive couple or expectant parents.  I also hope that I can point out commonly held inaccuracies about adoption and highlight some of the blessings that have come from openness. 

Maybe most importantly, It is one more record of the little ins and outs of our lives.  It is accessible to M’s birthfamily, who all love to read up on how he is doing and look at pictures of his cute little face.  It is a time capsule for us to look back on and remember many of the sweet little details I took time to record. 

Prior to being asked this question, I don’t know that I had thought about just much social media has affected our adoption experience.  And while I think in excess social media can be a dangerous distraction, I feel grateful for the many blessings it has afforded.   

Ghosts of Christmases Past

There’s something about Christmas that always used to make me kind of sad. That’s probably pretty weird right? It IS the most wonderful time of the year after all. Mostly I felt really happy and excited as I put up the tree, wrapped presents, and read Christmas stories. I loved the time with family and appreciated the chance to truly focus on the Savior and celebrate His life. But the longing we felt for our baby was especially pronounced. It doesn’t seem right that such a joyful time should have been so hard but it was. (Here’s what I wrote back in December of 2010).

I MISSED the baby we always dreamed of sharing Christmas with. I missed him so bad it ached. No playing Santa. No wrapping toys. No little pajamas. We had no idea if we would ever get a chance to have any of those experiences. It was always so hard to let go of one more year of unfulfilled expectations.

The longing which used to haunt our Christmas season has been replaced with gratitude, Our hearts are so full this year. I was reading over past blog posts and was curious what my very first post on this blog looked like. It was a sweet coincidence that I had just taken this picture earlier that afternoon while we were getting out Christmas decorations:

We’re so glad he’s finally here.

Mr. Perpendicular

The Teddy Bear has taken to sleeping sideways in his crib.  I don’t know why he does this, but every time I go to check on him during his nap he has rotated 90 degrees counterclockwise and is poking his toes between the slats.  Silly boy.  I can’t imagine how that is more comfortable.   

I love that he always sleeps clutching his giraffe rattle.  Since he’s not supposed sleep with stuffed animals yet, I gave him that little rattle so he would have something to play with as he fell asleep.  That has been his comfort item for several months now.  Usually I know when he’s woken up for the day or from a nap because I hear him shaking that rattle.  It’s his equivalent of ringing a servants bell I suppose.  “Mother, I’m awake now.  Please come retrieve me!”  He never cries or really makes any noise at all when he wakes up, so I am glad that he shakes his rattle to let me know he’s awake.     

Watching that cutie pie sleep never gets old. 

Instrument of Torture:

Baby Boy is sick.  Nothing serious, just a cold, but he has been so miserable and it breaks our hearts to see him so uncomfy. 

The worst part has been that he has been so stuffy and has had a terribly runny nose.  And he HATES the bulb sucker.  We have taken to sneaking up on him because the second he sees it he bursts into tears.  Poor baby.  He doesn’t know that we are trying to help him.  As Spencer put it, “The poor little guy thinks that we are trying to suck out his soul!  Dad’s a dementor!”

Even though I am SO sad he is sick, I love that he wants his momma to help him feel better.  Growing up, I always wanted my mom when I didn’t feel good and I STILL feel that way when I’m sick.  When you’re sick, you just want your mom.  Is it terrible for me to admit that I was a tiny bit flattered that no one else would do today?  Even though I got sneezed on and slimed.  So so so worth it.  I know that maybe sounds funny.  But it was special to do one of those things that I didn’t know if I would ever get to do- help my sick child feel better.  I can’t wait for him to get well, don’t get me wrong!  I just feel grateful that I get to take care of him.                

Today we have had lots of cuddles and loves.  Lots of pajama time.  Lots of “Itsy Bitsy Spider.”  Lots of baths.  Lots of stories. 

And now, hopefully, lots and lots of good sleep tonight.            

So Much To Be Thankful For

I went to bed early tonight.  I laid in bed for over an hour tossing and turning and finally decided to get up and do some writing to help me go to sleep.  Why oh why is it that I can’t seem to get my brain to shut off at night?  In any case, I spent some time in my journal and then decided to pop in here for a minute before trotting off to bed… again :).   

I love this time of year when people count their blessings and make gratitude the focus of conversation.  And tonight as I have been reflecting on the day, I have been overcome with gratitude for the many blessings we have been given. 

Though my own gratitude list won’t be unique, I wanted to chime in on this day set aside to focus on our blessings.  I feel so grateful for:

My sweet, supportive husband.  He is my best friend.  I love that we always have so much fun together.  I love that he is such a good daddy and always makes us a priority. 

My precious baby boy.  I am so grateful that he is here, and that he is part of our eternal family.  This is the blessing I have counted most often this past year.   

M’s birth family.  I am so grateful for our Natalie and the many wonderful, kind family members that love Mr. M. 

My family.  Though I wish we lived closer, I am so grateful for my amazing parents and sisters. 

My health and the health of my family.  I’ve had a few very minor problems this past year, but I feel so grateful that we are so blessed to have strong, well bodies.  And I am grateful to live in an age where medicine is so advanced and so much can be done to help those who are sick. 

My home.  I am especially grateful to be protected from the cold and snow.  Winter always makes me particularly glad to have shelter. 

My car.  It is such a blessing to be able to count on our vehicle to get us where we need to go reliably. 

My Country.  I feel blessed to be able to enjoy so many opportunities and freedoms.  I am grateful for the men and women who protect those freedoms, and for those who paid the ultimate price. 

My testimony.  I am thankful for Heavenly Father who has given us so much and for my Savior who understands my sorrows and has atoned for my sins.

The list goes on and on and on. 

I hope you all enjoyed a very lovely Thanksgiving as well!       

Mommy’s Little Helper

I am so lucky to have so much help around the house.  M is always eager to do whatever I am doing.  It definitely takes a bit longer to do all of the things that need to be done with the cutie pie in tow.  But I love that he just wants to be near me.   

M loves to help do laundry. He sits in my lap wile I fold clothes and busies himself by trying to swipe hangers to gnaw on. It’s a tough job, but someone hast to taste test those hangers right? His most favorite thing to do is to pull the folded clothes out of his drawer as fast as I can put more in.  He also loves playing in the upside down clothes hamper. It’s a whole ‘nother world in there guys.

M’s also pretty good at helping me put on my make up.  He takes good care of my mascara while I’m putting on the rest of my makeup.  And he loves to rummage through my makeup bag to find what would be most pretty.  He makes sure to slap the mirror lots and lots because that adds a lot of ambiance when one is prepping for the day.  M also does his best to ensure that I don’t spend TOO much time in front of the mirror (he usually gives me about five minutes), because he doesn’t want to encourage vanity.   

Sometimes, M likes to help me cook.  He busily bangs a wooden spoon against his tray to keep tempo while I whirl about the kitchen creating culinary delights.  If it looks like I’m slacking, he’ll toss his spoons overboard just to give me something to do.     

Most of all, he helps by keeping me on my toes.  He helps by making me a better, more patient person.  He helps by reminding me what is really important, not the laundry or cooking or millions of other little tasks that take up a day.  But time with him. 

Once Upon a Baby Review

I am always on the hunt for good children's books about adoption.  M has a few that I read to him often, and though he doesn’t understand them yet, I like knowing that there are resources available to help us teach him about how he came to our family. 

Once Upon a Baby is unique in that it was written from an LDS viewpoint.  It teaches children not only about adoption, but about their Heavenly Father and His love for them.  What I liked most about this book was that the father was a big part of the story.  Most of the children’s books I have read feature an adoptive mother and her baby but NO mention of a father and very little mention of the birthmother.  In “Once Upon a Baby” each family member was part of the story.

To be honest I am rather picky about books about adoption, and I wouldn’t say that even this one got everything exactly how I would explain it, though it came closer than many.  I am sure it’s impossible to write a book that applies perfectly to every adoption situation (which is why I am planning on making my own little book that tells M’s story just for him).  But I did like the perspective from which it was written and I especially loved that gospel principles were woven throughout.

The author, Shari Guess, is giving away a few free copies.  Feel free to click on the link below to enter for your chance to win. 

Rafflecopter giveaway