A Mother’s Heart

I love my mother.  She is truly one of my best friends.  My mom (along with my dad) knows better than anyone how to mourn with those who mourn, and comfort those who stand in need of comfort.  I don’t know how she does it, but when my world comes crashing down, sometimes she’s the only one with the words to mend my broken heart.  I want to be just like that.  I want to be just like her.

While I delight to honor my mother on this special day, I am always mindful of those who feel left out.  Those who would love to have babies, but can’t.  Those who would love to be married, but aren’t.  Those who have lost mothers.  Those who have lost children.  Sometimes the reminders can be so very painful.

I know what it’s like to be left out.  To be skipped over.  To be told that my contributions don’t count.  I know what it feels like to feel alone and forgotten. 

So while I honor my wonderful mother, and mother in law, I also honor all of the other women who have reached out to me with a mothers heart.  Whether or not they have children of their own.  Your contributions DO count.  Your efforts matter!  Your kindness and goodness matter, especially to me!  I am so grateful for you and for the impact you have had on my life.  I’m grateful for the texts/phone calls/e-mails/letters that come right when I need it the most.  I wanted to celebrate you special ladies today too.  Sending a big hug to those who need it!

Love,

Me    

I Love This

My sister sent this to me.  It was so good I wanted to share it with all of you.

Babysitters Club

Lately I have been a nanny to two cute little munchkins (ages 2 and 4).  They are so funny.  I think they really like Spencer.  When I first started watching them they would ask me all the time if we could go play with my dad.  I corrected them and explained that Spencer is my husband, not my father.  So now the littlest kiddo calls Spencer my cousin (that sort of sounds like husband, I guess).  Cutie. 

We’ve had lots of fun playing with sidewalk chalk, going to the park (and having a picnic once), going to Jump For Joy, which is loaded with cool moonwalk inflatable playhouses, and getting the occasional ice cream cone at “Old McDonald’s.”

The little boy has an interesting way of asking for things.  Instead of saying, “Can we…?” he usually says, “How ‘bout we…”  He loves winning.  If you ever have a race with him, don’t even keep pace with him; he will come to a complete stop and then *catch you by surprise* as he starts running with a head start.  His racing carries over into video games, too.  He beat Spencer about one million times in Mario Kart.  Spencer, who never played video games as a kid (and doesn’t regret that fact, either), did beat the boy once though.  And then the boy insisted they trade controllers.  Because surely that was the reason Spencer won.

But he’s generally a pretty good kid.  He even loves broccoli.  As long as there’s a gallon of ketchup to dip it in. He also apologizes for things he does wrong, if you give him enough time.  Even though we sometimes have to remind him not to hurt his sister, you can tell he loves to play with her.

The girly LOVES tea parties and her stuffed animals.  It totally makes my day when she yells “Whitney!” at the top of her lungs when I walk in the door.  She loves to tell me about the pretty dress she is wearing that day or show me her Dora the Explora’ doll.

They certainly make life interesting and give us lots of fun stories to share.  I’m sure we’ll have more to come. 

A Sight For Sore Eyes

I spent the most wonderful week watching my friends baby.  One day, after I put her down for a nap, I was looking around my usually really tidy living room.  The little toys and socks scattered all over the floor made me so happy.  The mess was evidence of fun time spent together.  Books were out because we had been reading stories.  A burp cloth was out because we had been playing peek-a-boo.  As strange as it sounds I can’t wait for my floor to be scattered with baby toys on a regular basis.  I long for the reminders that there is someone little and precious sleeping in the next room, more than I long for a perfectly clean house.  

Perspective

Lots of things have been on hold lately, adoption among them.  Knowing the long wait we have ahead of us, we wish we could at least start the process.  It’s definitely a hurry up and wait situation. 

I have felt like I am literally running in place lately.  I am trying so hard, and getting so tired, but not moving anywhere fast.  However, you know what?  I am getting stronger.  My endurance is growing.  I am learning just how much I am capable of.  Running in place isn’t altogether bad. 

The scenery isn’t changing, but I am.

My Own

I heard something a few days ago that has been on my mind ever since. There is a lady we know who has a beautiful little family with six children. When she was making introductions in a group setting, she introduced her oldest three as “her own” children and her youngest three as “adopted” children.

This made me really sad for a few reasons. If I am ever able to adopt, I do not plan on introducing my baby with the title of “adopted.” I fully intend on introducing my child as: my child. If we are ever in the situation that we have both biological and adopted children, I certainly don’t feel the need to distinguish between the two when introducing them. Especially using hurtful phrases such as, “my own.” The adoptive children may come to the conclusion that they are “not my own!”  All of my children will be MY OWN whether they are adopted or biological.    

It may be apparent that my child is adopted. Perhaps we won’t share the same skin color. Even if we do, there may be other physical characteristics that set us apart. Nevertheless, I still don’t think it is necessary to identify a child to strangers according to their status of adoptee. I in no way intend to hide this information from them. They will know they are adopted. I want them to know their birthparents. If people ask questions about the adoption process, or the relationship we share with our adopted child, we would love to answer (and in some cases educate) them.

I think that Brittany hit the nail on the head in the post she wrote about how adoption is often thought of as “charity.” As she mentioned (here) all too often I hear couples who talk about adopting after they have had “their own” children. I worry about such motivations to adopt. Adopting a child is not a hobby or a project. I don’t think their intentions are intrinsically bad. They want to provide a good home for a child in need. But no child wants to be “saved.” To think of adoption as charity is demeaning to the child.

When adoption is thought of as charity, it takes the focus away from the child and puts it on the adoptive parents. Instead of being a natural means to extend a family, adoption kind of becomes a badge that highlights the benevolence of the adoptive parents. I don’t think that is healthy.

I thought of an analogy that might help me make my point. Take Sister Missionaries in the church, for example. We are speaking of Sisters because, unlike the Elders, serving a mission is not commanded of the women of the church. Most of the Sister Missionaries serving in the church are wonderful, hard-working women who know why they are there. There are some, however, who are not necessarily serving for the right reasons. Perhaps the experience for these Sisters will not be as positive as it might be. A mission is a good thing, but it is not for everyone. I think the same of adoption.

Brittany said it so much better than I could. To quote her:

If both you and your spouse feel that your child is out there, waiting to come to your family through adoption, then please look into getting approved to adopt! Adoption is a valid way to build a family. 

Adoption is not charity, but it is love!

Currently

My guess is that if you are like me, and spend many of your waking moments thinking about/ researching adoption then you have already heard about some of the crazy proposed adoption bills going on right now.  If you haven’t here’s a quick summary:
The bill in Oregon, HB 2904 will prevent a birthmom from placing her baby for adoption until it is eight days old.  This will note be an option, but a requirement.  The bill will also require the birth parents to attend six counseling sessions (three before placement, three after).  If this requirement isn’t met, the birth parents cannot proceed with the adoption.  The bill also requires a thirty day minimum period in which the birthparents can change their mind.  She cannot waive the right to change her mind, the thirty day wait will be mandatory.  The thing is, the current law already allows birthparents the options that the bill is trying to make a requirement.  For a more in-depth explanation you can go here.  There is also a bill in Idaho, HO499, which will change the present laws to allow birth fathers thirty days post placement to contest an adoption.  You can read more about that one here. 
Opposition to forever families continues to rise.  I had never thought about the attack on the family as it pertains to adoption.  But I certainly think about it now. 
In other news, I don’t know if all of you hopeful adoptive couples know this, but http://www.hopingtoadopt.org is going to become a free adoption profile listing service as of March 1st.  Hooray for one more way to get our names out there!  Just thought I would spread the word.