Report Card

I always grow very introspective this time of year.  With the bittersweet nostalgia of Christmastime in the air and the closing of one more year close on its heels, I find myself reflecting on how my time has been spent and evaluating what I can do to further enrich my life and my relationships.

As always, there are changes to be made, but there are also accomplishments and progress to be appreciated. 

What I have felt most strongly this season is an intense desire to savor every second, both this Christmas and in the years to come.  To be fully present, and really connect with the people I love most. 

This has been a focus of mine for some time now, and I do believe that savoring time with family is one of my strengths.  But a few specific events in the world and in our family have reaffirmed for me how important being present really is and have reminded me, yet again, of the fleetingness of time. 

Mine is the struggle of balancing BEING in he moment, versus PRESERVING the moment.  It is not that I take life’s little moments for granted.  Rather I put so much significance on every small event (particularly with my little boy) that I waffle between recording it and just enjoying it.  One of my greatest fears is that I will forget.  I honestly can’t bear the thought of not remembering the little details I cherish so much.  Sometimes I have to consciously push the camera aside, drop my fears of forgetting, and just take the moment for what it is.  I am constantly evaluating and adjusting, but I am trying to find the best balance I can. 

I need this time to ponder the things that are most important in life.  I don’t think it is coincidence that we celebrate the birth of the Savior so close to the arrival of a new year.  The special focus on Christ and His life help me realign my priorities for the coming months. 

Sometimes, I feel a bit embarrassed as I create a kind of personal report card on all that I meant to accomplish.  Because I am human, the further we get into the year, the less present my well-intentioned resolutions are in my thoughts.  Sometimes I don’t do as much as I wanted to do as well as I wanted to do it.  Sometimes I fall of the horse entirely.  That is why I need this time so much.  To recommit.  To reconnect.  To refocus.  And then to dive back into life and routine with a clearer perspective.  A perspective that can only come from my Savior, Jesus Christ.

I am so grateful for Him and for the opportunity to celebrate His life.  And I am grateful that because of His sacrifice I can keep making changes to become a better Whitney.